


I Found You (Year 7)

by wildermind54



Series: Their Younger Years [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Destiny, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Love, Magic, Self-Discovery, True Love, Wizarding Politics, Wizarding Wars, Wizarding World, Wizards
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-04 05:04:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11548053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildermind54/pseuds/wildermind54
Summary: Year 7 of Their Younger Years series!Final Installment





	1. Prologue

“I’m not strong at all,” Gwen said with a sad smile.

“You are,” Adora insisted fiercely. “Whether or not you knew it, you made the choice to grow separate of him, of all your friends, because you followed a path that made you different. You might be the most powerful one of them all, Gwen.”

Gwen laughed and sniffled, shaking her head to disagree but Adora continued.

"You deserve someone who makes you feel safe and accepts you unconditionally,” Adora finished quietly, “Not someone who makes you feel guilty."

Gwen felt the choking sensation in her throat. “I felt so guilty,” she confessed, “For so long.”

“I know, Gwen,” Adora acknowledged, “You were always like that. You felt everything so much, especially loyalty.”

Gwen thought about where her loyalty rested. She knew that it would always be with Draco, and even if she could never be with him because their lives kept them apart, she’d always be there whenever he needed.

“I still love him, mom,” Gwen confessed in a hoarse whisper, “I don’t know where he is or what he could be doing, but I still-” Gwen broke off and rubbed her forehead. “I feel him.”

“But do you believe he could be redeemed?” Adora asked. “Do you believe _in_ him?”

Gwen looked at her mom, and for a moment, she swore Adora was looking right into her – and she answered truthfully, “Always.”

Adora smiled. “Then there’s always hope,” she murmured.


	2. Having Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, bookmark! xx

Gwen stared at the new and unfamiliar wall, following the noticeable paint streaks with her eyes, tracing it aimlessly. It was July 7th – her 17th birthday.

She thought that she might wake up feeling different now that the trace was off of her, but no. She woke up feeling slightly empty, in a room that wasn’t hers, and had been staring at the wall ever since.

 Everything had changed in a matter of weeks. After Gwen received the news that Adora had Alzheimer’s, she spent a good week crying and researching everything she could. She contacted doctors in the wizard community but was met with the same apologetic reply each time.

_Ms. Easton,_

_While we sympathize greatly with your mother’s situation, our practice cannot offer a solution to her medical condition due to…_

She always stopped reading after that. She didn’t want to know. She didn’t care.

After that, Gwen realized two things at once: She could no longer leave Adora and they couldn’t stay in their home anymore.

The Weasley’s had already been set up in the safe house and Mrs. Weasley offered all three of them – Gwen, Adora, and Luca lodging at the Burrow but Gwen refused. Adora’s condition would deteriorate slowly and she knew Adora would want privacy as it worsened.

It was already almost too much for Adora that even Gwen and Luca saw her. Gwen noticed her slipping in small ways. She would ask the same question over and over again. When it first started happening, Gwen had quirked her eyebrows and gave her mother an odd, ignorant smile. “You asked that already,” Gwen said.

Adora looked confused for a moment before realization hit her and she immediately began to cry. Gwen froze, realizing why, and looked at Luca who was sitting on the couch next to Adora. He gave Gwen a gentle smile and nod, as if telling her that it was something she’d have to recognize from now on.

Gwen moved until she was kneeling in front of her mother with her head in her lap, anguish in her heart. “I’m so sorry, mom,” she said weakly.

Adora wrapped her arms around Gwen and continued to cry. Gwen felt Luca wrap his arms around them both and they sat like that for a long while, holding on to each other.

It showed in other ways as well. Adora’s lack of appetite was causing her to lose weight so quickly that all of her old clothes that once clung to her buxom curves, now fell gaping and loose. Gwen and Luca took turns coaxing and bullying Adora at intervals to eat regularly.

Luca was an unexpected relief for Gwen. Although he just came into their lives somewhat recently, Gwen was so profoundly grateful for him that she began to feel anxious at first that he would suddenly leave, deciding that they were both too much trouble. Gwen and Luca were cleaning the kitchen a few weeks ago in companionable silence when the worry finally came to head.

Luca seemed to recognize the storm brewing above Gwen because he put down the bowl he’d been drying before he approached her and gently tapped her forehead. “ _What’s happening in there_?”

She gave him a weak, albeit crooked smile. “ _I’m worried_ ,” she told him.

“ _About what_?”

Luca leaned against the counter and crossed his large arms. Gwen only noticed his strength because he’d gotten in the habit of carrying Adora to bed when she fell asleep on the couch after insisting that she wouldn’t. He never complained and never brought it up, and Gwen was coming to recognize how heavily dependent they were becoming on him.  

“ _I’m just going to be straight-forward_ ,” Gwen warned.

Luca gave her a half-smile. “ _Are you never not_?”

His Spanish accent gave a playful lilt to the words. Luca had moved to the States when he was 10 years old but was born in Brazil. His love for horticulture was now evident all throughout the small cottage with plants filling every nook and cranny, breathing a new life into the foundation of the home.

Gwen couldn’t help but notice all of the plants suddenly, too tense to scowl at his words. She fisted her hands before crossing them in front of her chest – holding herself up ramrod straight.

Luca sensed her apprehension. His face lost all of its playfulness. “Gwen,” he murmured. “ _Tell me what’s wrong_.”

“ _I’m worried_ ,” she finally forced out, repeating her earlier sentiment.  

“ _About_?” He encouraged.

She couldn’t help feeling worried about Luca. They’d never had a man in their house and Gwen was so used to people leaving. She was so worried that if she brought it up that he would realize what she was saying and he would confirm her fears, but she couldn’t live with the giant question mark that punctuated all of her thoughts.

“ _I’m worried that it’ll get too hard and you’ll leave us_.”

The silence that followed was one Gwen would never forget. She sensed the rapid-fire emotions that flickered through Luca. She had to fight the urge to cough from the intensity of the emotions enflamed her throat. Confusion, surprise, and then followed by a ferocity that wasn’t colored by anger but something more profound – warmer.

“ _Gwen,_ ” Luca began hoarsely. “ _I love your mother. Her being sick doesn’t change that_.”

It was love, Gwen realized. Gwen felt Luca’s love for Adora. Whereas Gwen had only felt love as a brightness, Luca’s emotions were like swallowing pressurized air. The force of it nearly shook her body.

“ _Not only do I love her, Gwen_ ,” Luca continued, “ _But I love you too. You both. You’re my family now and family’s stick it through the worst times_.”

“ _Why_?” Gwen felt like crying.

Gwen sensed Luca’s compassion flare and he reached forward to give her a tight hug. Gwen sniffled against his flannel shirt. He held her securely and spoke above her head.

“ _Because we choose to_.”

Gwen shifted again in her makeshift bed, letting her mind steep in memories. Gwen remembered the day after Luca had earned a place in her heart forever. Adora had been sitting at the kitchen table with her arms crossed and a surly expression on her face as she stared at the eggs and toast in front of her.

“ _What’s wrong_?” Gwen asked, coming to her immediately.

“ _Him_ ,” Adora muttered. She shot Luca a baleful glance from across the room.

Luca though, who stood in front of the stove still wearing his standard pajamas of flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt as he cooked the rest of breakfast, looked like he was suppressing laughter as he shook his head.

“ _What do you mean_?” Gwen asked, turning her head between them.

“ _Your mother is upset at me because I just gently insisted that we should move up the date of the wedding_ ,” Luca said.

Gwen sat down in the chair next to Adora, turning so that she was facing her. “ _I don’t see the problem_?”

Adora stared at Gwen with wide eyes that declared her a traitor. “ _We can’t get married_!”

Gwen flinched at the shrill in Adora’s voice. “ _Ow, mom_ ,” she said. She covered her ears dramatically. After she recovered she spoke again. “ _What do you mean you can’t get married_?”

“ _Your mother_ ,” Luca began in a light voice as he brought the rest of breakfast to the table. Gwen stood up and grabbed plates from the counter and forks from a drawer before coming back down. Luca was holding Adora’s hand while she glared at nothing.

“ _She thinks we shouldn’t get married if she’s going to, and mind you these are her words_ ,” he added, “‘ _Forget everything and everyone in the abyss of disease_.’”

Although Gwen knew there was some truth to this, should couldn’t help the snort of laughter that broke through. Adora frowned. “ _It’s not funny_.”

“ _It’s a little funny_ ,” Gwen acknowledged.

“ _So until she agrees to marry me again_ ,” Luca continued, “ _I’m going to just keep proposing multiple times a day until she agrees_.”

“ _Yeah, we’ll see_ ,” Adora muttered bullishly.

Gwen adjusted herself beneath her covers so that they covered her shoulders, staring at her ceiling, smiling at the memory of her mother’s obstinate behavior. She tried to ignore the fact that she was in a different room, bringing herself back to her thoughts about life right now. The wedding was in two days. Adora was still trying to think of ways to get out of it.

“ _What about your birthday_?” Adora fretted yesterday.

“ _What about it_?” Gwen asked while reading.

“ _Isn’t the wedding too close_?” Adora asked.

“ _Nice try_ ,” Gwen responded.

Luca snorted from the other couch and Adora threw a pillow at him.

So the wedding was set for two days from now, a beautiful July wedding. Gwen had distracted herself from all the change by throwing herself into the planning.

Adora had insisted that the wedding take place in The Cottage, but both Gwen and Luca knew the risks and so instead the wedding would take place in the meadow outside their new safe house, The Tower, as Gwen jokingly called it when they first moved in since it was all one story.

Adora tired easily now so a majority of the packing had fallen to Gwen. Not that she had minded. She took her time going through everything and sorting through what they would take with them and what had to be thrown away. Adora would pop by occasionally and gasp at Gwen’s throw away pile.

“Gwen!” Adora shrieked

Gwen, covered in dust, turned around to find her mother holding a faded old t-shirt covered with prehistoric stains that Gwen didn’t care to try and identify.

“ _You can’t throw this away_.” Adora clutched the shirt to her chest.

“ _It’s gross, mom_ ,” Gwen reasoned.

“ _This is the shirt you were wearing the first time you ate spaghetti_ ,” Adora explained. She held out the shirt to Gwen, showing her all the stains. “ _It was the first time you had refused to eat something. You normally ate everything I put in front of you because you were so worried about…change. This was eight months after I adopted you. This was the first time you refused to eat because you didn’t like the taste. You started to feel safe_.”

Gwen gave her mom a gentle smile and stood up. She pulled the shirt from her mom’s hands and spoke softly. “ _It’s still trash_.”

After many threats from Adora, Gwen eventually agreed to keep the old t-shirt as well as a few other things that Gwen had unjustly deemed garbage. Adora had saved everything of hers from her childhood. Gwen found a picture of the day that Adora had adopted her all those years ago. Her hair was short and tangled. It was the expression on her little face that kept Gwen staring at the photo for so long. Such a small face, almost swallowed entirely by her eyes, but the blankness in them kept her safe.

“ _You saved so much_ ,” Gwen murmured, looking at the picture.

“ _You’ll do the same when you’re a mother_ ,” Adora sighed from the couch, watching Gwen to make sure she didn’t throw anything away.

The Order had helped her secure The Tower. It had one fireplace that had been enchanted to only allow people to come through the fireplace only if they had left from the fireplace to begin with.

Gwen turned on her side, shifting to make herself comfortable on the floor. She stared underneath the bed next to her, trying to ignore the sadness she felt radiating off it.

When they first moved in, Gwen felt her breath suck in at the stale tension of the home. No one knew the previous tenants, but all it took for Gwen was to lay down on the bed before she sprang back up. The bitter resentment of a bad marriage filled the pores of the foundation. She had been sleeping on the floor ever since.

Gwen pushed herself up, stretching widely. She moved quietly to the bathroom, patting a sleeping Courage on the head on her way out. She quickly washed up and stared at herself in the mirror.

Her hair had grown longer, now just skimming right past her shoulders. She wondered if she should cut it again, having grown used to the lightness of it.

Her skin had absorbed the summer the same as always, causing her sometimes sickly pale skin to glow a dark olive. The yellow tones of her skin practically ate the sunlight and minimized the hard bags beneath her eyes.

Her eyes, Gwen noticed, still looked fatigued. They looked heavy with a burden she hadn’t yet sort through or put into context yet. Her hands fisted on the cold counter. So much had changed.

She was seventeen now, Gwen thought. Weren’t adults supposed to have their lives figured out?

She eventually moved back to her room, hearing the quiet murmurs downstairs between Luca and Adora.

She got dressed before moving towards the kitchen. It was smaller than their old one, but Adora had dedicated her time into making the house a home for them.

Adora smiled widely when she saw Gwen, her cheekbones jutting out much more than they had a few months ago. “Happy birthday, baby,” she said. Her drawl was thick with happiness.

Gwen smiled and went to wrap her arms around her mom. “Thank you,” she murmured.

Adora squeezed Gwen tightly for a few moments before pulling back to grin. “You’re a woman now.”

Gwen couldn’t help but make a face. “I don’t know about that.”

“We have pancakes for breakfast, soup for lunch, and chicken pot pie for dinner,” Adora continued.

Gwen laughed. “That sounds delicious.”

She turned and hugged Luca next. He pat the back of her head gently with one of his massive hands. “Happy birthday, Gwen.”

“Thanks, Luca.”

When they all finally sat down to eat, Gwen tried to dispel the pensive air around her, but her thoughts came moving back towards everything that she needed to do.

“You aren’t eating much, Gwen,” Adora worried.

Gwen looked up and blinked. She looked down at her plate before looking back up at her mom. “Sorry,” she apologized, “Just a lot on my mind.”

“Anything you want to talk about?” Adora asked gently.

“No,” Gwen said easily, “Just adult things.”

She ended the remark with a sly smile, making both Luca and Adora laugh. Gwen put more effort into eating and maintaining conversation through breakfast and clean up before they all moved into the living room to watch a movie.

As the credits began, Gwen moved in her place slightly to see Adora and Luca snuggled together on the couch while Courage was sleeping by Gwen on the floor. Gwen nestled back into the couch, feeling relief that even when things changed, the foundations were somewhat the same.

They carried on the day in the same leisurely manner, Gwen taking Courage on a walk twice in the soft summer heat.

When she came back from their second walk, Adora was waiting for her.

“Could you run to the store and grab some cream of mushroom?” Adora asked. “I need it for tonight.”

“Sure,” Gwen said easily.

She went and grabbed her house keys and slung her purse across her body. “Anything else?”

“Some ice cream maybe,” Luca called out from the couch.

Gwen smiled. “Any flavor in particular?”

“Anything chocolate.”

“Alright,” Gwen agreed. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Take your time.” Adora kissed her goodbye.

Gwen stepped out of their enchanted home, hidden in plain sight. She moved towards the gate, knowing that nobody would be able to see her until she crossed the threshold of the small partition.

She moved quietly onto the lane, feeling the pressure of the open. She took a sharp breath and reached for her wand, tucked away in the pocket of her dress. She walked all the way to the store like that.

When she pushed open the small shop door, a quaint bell rang of her arrival. The shop was small, local, and was without embellishments. She smiled to the cashier before moving through the aisles with familiarity. She had been in charge of grocery shopping these last few weeks in The Tower.  

She had a basket in hand as she grabbed the cream of mushroom before going to the limited ice-cream selection. She was carefully considering all the flavors when a voice came from the side of her.

“I can tell from that notch b’tween your eyebrows that you take your ice cream very seriously.”

Gwen turned and saw a gangly blonde boy grinning playfully at her. With a crooked smile, she relaxed her furrowed brow with a slight laugh. “Ice cream is a serious business.”

“I’ve always thought so,” he continued. He leaned against the freezer door next to her and pushed his hands in his pockets.

He was her age, Gwen noticed. Tall, definitely taller than Gwen, with floppy blonde hair and bright blue eyes that were surrounded by thick black glasses. She could see that his two front teeth were slightly crooked, but if anything, it just made him more attractive. He wore a blue polo shirt and khakis – a store uniform.

“Well what’s your favorite flavor?” He asked her.

“Maple,” Gwen answered immediately.

His face contorted into something akin to disgust. “Maple?” He scoffed. “That’s not a flavor. That’s a pancake topping.”

“Wow,” Gwen said, “Look who’s serious about ice cream now.”

“Ice cream is a serious business,” he echoed her earlier sentiments.

Gwen laughed, enjoying herself. The boy pushed off the freezer door and stuck out his hand. “Matthew,” he introduced.

“Gwen,” she reciprocated.

They shook hands while Matthew grinned. “Too bad my name wasn’t Lancelot.”

This made Gwen laugh again. “Or Arthur.”

“Arthur was a cuckold,” Matthew shook his head.

“Arthur was the greatest kings of European legend,” Gwen scoffed.

“His wife fell in love with another bloke,” Matthew countered.

“Not necessarily,” Gwen argued, “There are some traditions that say Guinevere was under a spell.”

“Hmm…” Matthew said. “What’s more believable? His wife liking another bloke or her being under a spell?”

Gwen couldn’t help her smile. “That depends,” she said casually, “If you believe in magic or not.”

Matthew flopped his hair out of his face, returning her smile. “I’m inclined to at this moment.”

Gwen shook her head, unable to keep the smile off her face, as she refocused back in on the ice creams.

“Well,” Matthew shifted along with her, “I hate to inform you that unfortunately we do not have your horrendous maple flavored ice cream. We’re a proper business.”

“That’s okay,” Gwen laughed.

“Ugh,” Matthew continued to mutter in disgust. “Where do you even get maple flavored ice cream?”

Gwen almost wanted to tell him how Hogsmeade had the best ice cream she’d ever had, but instead she shook her head.

“Not here, I guess,” Gwen said. “I’m not buying it for me anyways.”  

“Who is it for?” Matthew asked.

“My dad,” Gwen said without thinking.

She physically jarred at the words. She had never really thought about what Luca was to her. She had had only thought of him in terms of Adora, but to think of him as so explicitly as her parent was surprising to Gwen.

Matthew noticed her reaction. She reached forward and touched Gwen’s shoulder gently. “You alright?”

Gwen felt the concern and attraction press against her skin. She moved away from his touch and gave him what was probably a failing smile. “Yes,” she said, “I’ve just…never said that out loud before.”

“Your dad?” Matthew asked.

“He’s my mom’s boyfriend or fiancé, I guess,” Gwen explained, “Technically.”

“That’s really cool that you think of him as your dad,” Matthew said. “You’re lucky.”

Gwen felt the tinge of sadness in him. His words rang with sadness and regret; she wondered what the story was behind the painful history locked in his eyes. She almost felt compelled to hug him.

“Yes,” she murmured instead. She shifted the basket from one arm to the other. “I guess I am.”

Matthew gave her a shy smile. “So listen,” he began, “I’ve seen you around these last few weeks. Do y’think that maybe we could go out sometime?”

Although Gwen could taste his attraction to her, she was still surprised by his forwardness. Seeing the shock on her face, Matthew blushed beet red and continued quickly, his tongue tripping over his words in their haste. “Nothing weird. I promise,” he said. He shoved his hands through his hair, the pale blonde strands sliding easily through. “Just a film or something.”

Gwen watched his hair fall through his fingers. His hair was so pale, like a refined wheat. His alabaster skin, though still tinged with red, only seemed to highlight the depth of his blue eyes.

“ _Gwen_.” A voice in her head called out.

Gwen felt her breath catch in her throat. _Draco_. She felt tears immediately prick at her eyes in longing.

Matthew saw her expression and blushed further. “I’m really sorry,” he apologized fervently. “Just forget about it. Honestly.”  

“No,” Gwen finally sputtered. She took a deep breath, ignoring the painful longing in her chest. “I’m sorry, Matthew, really. I’m just not dating right now.”

Matthew, still blushing, noddedsympathetically. “Bad breakup?” He guessed.

Gwen gave him a pained, rueful smile. “Something like that, yeah,” she said.

Matthew nodded his head once more before reaching past her into the freezer and pulling out a double chocolate brownie flavored ice cream. He put it in her basket. “Trust me,” he said with conviction, “That ice cream can heal anything.”

“Thank you.” She said meaningfully.

Matthew smiled at her, shoving his hands back into his pockets. “I’ll see you around maybe,” he said kindly.

“Yeah,” Gwen smiled. “See you around.”

She went and payed for her items before setting back out. The sun was now setting but Gwen was too preoccupied with her own thoughts to even worry about holding onto her wand.

She focused on the small thrum of a familiar heartbeat that constantly beat in the back of her mind. Draco’s pulse had become part of her. She sensed him always, always a quiet constant until she called him forward. She had noticed it last year but it was after those frail moments at the castle that she felt his heartbeat tattooed on her own constantly, like it was just a part of her.

His heartbeat was slow, almost relaxed. Gwen could feel him even if she couldn’t necessarily see him. He was sad.

He was contemplative.

He was regretful.

She sighed, feeling the heaviness in her heart. Her promise to him rang in her head, _“Just have hope.”_

She opened the enchanted gate and disappeared behind the protective shield that led her to The Tower.

“Have hope yourself, Guinevere,” she muttered to herself as she unlocked the door and let herself inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, well...there's not really enough room for me to explain how insane the last few months of my life have been. I'll highlight: 
> 
> Moving away, grad school, sadness, sickness, (slight) heart ache, moving back, emergency surgery, recovery. 
> 
> And here we are. I started reading some of the chapters I had written for this story - things that I have planned for it wayyyyy down the line and I had this chapter just kind of sitting there so I decided to post it. 
> 
> I'm not going to lie. I'm in a weird life phase currently and while I am 99.999% okay with it, I will give everyone the disclaimer right now that my posts will probably not be on any kind of schedule and I apologize for that. I'l try and do my best. Thank you for sticking with me, especially those of you who have been here since the beginning. Like nearly 2.5 years ago...you're amazing. All of you. All the love!


	3. Rivers in A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comment, kudos, bookmark!

“I’m back!” She called out.

“In the kitchen,” Adora responded.

Gwen halted by the door, feeling the excited tension in the air. She smiled slightly, sensing every single one of her friends and family in the house. They thought they could surprise her, Gwen bit back a laugh. She walked towards the kitchen, knowing better than to call them out.

“SURPRISE!”

Gwen laughed as they all blew into plastic kazoo’s and waved streamers. They all stood with shining smiles as they grinned widely at her.

“Wow,” Gwen said unconvincingly, “What a surprise.”

Adora rolled her eyes as Hermione ran forward and hugged Gwen tightly. “Happy birthday, Gwen!”

“Thanks, Mione.”

Hermione pulled back to look at her. “You look good.”

“Did I not before?” Gwen raised her eyebrows.

“You look refreshed,” Hermione explained. “I was worried about you. I’m sorry I haven’t come more.”

“Don’t be,” Gwen reassured her. She could feel the hurt in Hermione’s words.

“Come on, you two,” Luca called out. “Let’s eat.”

Gwen hugged the rest of her friends as they began to eat – J.B., Eartha, Harry, Ron, Ginny, Fred, and George. She was happy that they all were able to make it.

Fred gave her a tight squeeze. “I must say,” he began, “Looking of age suits you.”

Gwen smothered a laugh, conscious that his arms were still around her. She blushed against her own will. “That’s creepy.”

“It’s true,” Fred said, grinning widely at her. “Also, it’s not creepy. I’m barely older than you.”

“You’re fairly older than me,” Gwen teased. “I can see your wrinkles already.”

Fred cast her a wounded look as he slowly released her. “Age has hardened you.”

That made Gwen laugh aloud. “Don’t be sad, Gramps,” she said gently. “You’re still spry.”

“Gramps,” he repeated, “Is that a sort of pet name?”

He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Gwen rolled her eyes. “Away with you, you, dirty old man.”

Fred laughed at that and poked her in her soft stomach. “Mean.”

She moved throughout the room, eating and mingling with people. She was sitting with Eartha when the hazel-eyed brunette looked around surreptitiously before whispering. “So you and Fred, huh?”

Gwen reared back in surprised. She pushed the soft yellow party hat that Adora had stuck on her head back to the center as it slipped down. “What?”

She blinked at Earth’s smirking face. “I’m just saying,” Eartha said. “You seemed quite comfortable.”

Gwen looked across the cheekily decorated kitchen. Fred was currently laughing with J.B., Harry, and George, making jokes about something or another.

“He’s handsome,” Eartha acknowledged.

Gwen was still staring at Fred because he looked over at her suddenly and winked, giving her a wide grin. She felt embarrassed for being caught and immediately ducked her face. She’d had Adora cut her hair again recently and so the short locks skimmed her chin, no longer able to conceal her.

Eartha smothered a laugh. “Wow, you have it bad.”

“I don’t,” Gwen insisted.

“Gwen,” Eartha sighed. “There’s nothing wrong with moving on.”

“I know,” Gwen said mulishly, still feeling warm in the face. She didn’t dare look back up at Fred even though she could feel him looking at her.

“Do you?” Eartha asked quietly. “I feel like you’re holding out for something that may or may not work out.”

Gwen sat quietly. She’d never told anyone about who broke her heart, but all of her friends knew that it was broken. Gwen thought about Hermione – who had clearly been hurt that Gwen didn’t mention anything to her. Gwen felt it in her throat whenever Hermione spoke to her.

“Gwen,” Eartha continued. “Fred is nice and he obviously likes you. So what if you give it a chance? It might be the best thing you ever did.”

Gwen stabbed a piece of pie – the only way to express the torture in her own heart. How did she explain to Eartha that if things were different, Draco would be here, celebrating her birthday with her? That if he was a fraction less of who he was, he could be here and that if she was a fraction more of who she really was, she’d find a way to bring him here.

Instead she scooped chicken pot pie in her mouth, letting the savory flavors play over tongue without really tasting them. She looked back up and tried to carefully look at Fred again. He was leaning back against her counter, hands loose in his pocket, looking young, alive, and _present_.

Maybe that was what mattered the most.

Someone who was present.

Much, much later Gwen was standing with Ginny, sensing the younger girl’s sadness even as she laughed and joked. “How are you, Gin?” Gwen asked quietly.

Ginny eyes shuttered but the smile remained on her face. “I’m surviving,” she said.

Gwen noticed the darted glances that Harry and Ginny were casting each other as well as the wide berth between them. Gwen nodded. “Yeah.”

“How about you?” Ginny reciprocated the question.

“I’m surviving.”

No more words passed through them.

By the end of the night, Gwen stood with J.B. and Eartha at the fireplace as they got ready to go. “I’ve missed you,” Eartha said emphatically. Her voice was muffled by her arms twined tightly around Gwen’s neck.

“It’s only been a week or so,” Gwen said, spitting out Eartha’s springy curls. In her time at The Tower, Eartha and J.B. had become common fixtures around the somewhat dismal house. They brought brightness wherever they went so Gwen was eternally grateful to them.

“So what? That’s a long time. I notice when you’re not around; you’re so moody.”

“I’m not moody.”

Eartha guffawed. “Yeah, sure.”

Gwen narrowed her eyes but J.B. spoke instead. “You’re seventeen now,” he said, “What will you do now that the trace is lifted?”

“Apparate to the bathroom in the middle of the night so I don’t have to walk,” Gwen joked.

They all laughed but Gwen felt something in the pit of her stomach. If she could apparate anywhere, she knew to who she’d go to.

J.B. put his hand on the top of her head. A habit he had picked up throughout the summer to emphasize Gwen’s short stature; there was almost a paternal nature to it. “Alright, kiddo,” he sighed. He rubbed his hand over her short hair. “We’ll see you soon.”

She moved her head from underneath his hand with a glare and kicked him in the shin. “Bye,” she frowned mulishly at him, making him laugh.

“You two are so childish,” Eartha rolled her eyes with a sigh.

“He started it,” Gwen said immediately.

“That’s mature,” J.B. responded.

Gwen opened her mouth to respond but Eartha held up her hand. “Stop,” she said, “We’re leaving.” She glared at J.B. daring him to speak again. “Gwen,” she finished as they stepped into the fireplace. “We love you, and we’ll see you soon.”

“I love you guys too,” Gwen said, mock glaring at J.B.

“Love you, kiddo,” J.B. teased.

Gwen bared her teeth, ready to fight but Eartha threw down floo powder and Gwen watched J.B.’s massive grin as it disappeared behind the green flames.

“I really do like having them around,” Adora said from behind Gwen.

Gwen turned around and smiled. “Yeah, they’re alright,” she joked.

“You and J.B. bicker like I’ve never seen,” Adora laughed.

“It’s his fault,” Gwen grumbled.

“You didn’t even argue with other children when you were a child,” Adora said.

Gwen made a noncommittal “hmph” noise. Adora came and hugged Gwen tightly, speaking softly over her head. “Where did you find such good friends?”

“He found me,” Gwen told her truthfully.

“Well, I’m glad,” Adora said.

Although Adora said it lightly, Gwen heard the distress in Adora’s words. She was relieved, Gwen realized. Gwen knew that Adora’s greatest fear was that Gwen would feel alone. At night, when Adora couldn’t help but reflect, Gwen could feel her anxiety through the walls of the house. Fearful for everyone except herself.

Gwen swallowed against the ball of emotion in her throat and nodded against her mom’s chest. “Yeah,” she agreed. “Me too.”

“Harry, Ron, and Hermione are the only ones left,” Adora told her.

“As per usual,” Gwen laughed.

“Somethings don’t change,” Adora said.

Gwen fought the urge to tell her mom that everything has changed, but instead she took an extra deep breath and swallowed her anxieties. Adora gave her one final squeeze before yawning. “I think I’m going to head to bed early tonight,” she said.

Gwen pulled back to measure the color in her mother’s face. Adora’s ebony skin had a grey flush to it. “You did too much today,” Gwen worried gravely.

Adora waved her hand. “I only wish I could do more.”

“You’re getting married in two days,” Gwen said, “You need your energy.”

“I’ll try not to take offense to that,” Luca called out from behind them.

Adora laughed and grabbed Luca’s hand. “Come on, my old ball and chain. Let’s let the young people enjoy the rest of their time without us.”

Luca laughed. Gwen felt the pressurized air in her throat again as she saw the reflection of Luca’s love in his eyes. He reached his hand up to quickly stroke Adora’s cheek. They silently glowed, Gwen saw with her Sight as they looked at each other.

“Goodnight, Gwen,” Luca said. He gave her a quick hug. “I hope you enjoyed your birthday.”

“It was the best,” Gwen said as she returned the hug. “Thank you.”

She watched them walk away down the hall, Adora leaning heavily on Luca. Gwen felt another wave of emotion flush through her, blocking her throat.

She sensed Harry move towards her. Things had changed again between she and Harry over the summer. They were both alone and lonely in themselves. The pain of loss had restored them to their longtime closeness, but the alchemy of their relationship had changed.

Where heartbreak had softened Gwen, it had hardened Harry.

So they were more careful around each other. Every look wasn’t just a look, every touch was no longer just a touch, every catch of their breath wasn’t just a breath. It all felt weighted with unknown implication, loneliness, and possibilities.

“You okay?” Harry murmured next to her.

She wrapped her arms around her stomach and turned to him so she could nod. She cleared her throat before she spoke. “Yeah,” she assured quietly. “It’s just moving a lot faster than the doctors thought it would.”

Harry’s face looked longer with sadness. “I know it’s not easy.”

Gwen gave him a pained smile. “No,” she said. Her voice was barely audible. “It’s not.”

“Tea?” Hermione called out as she came into the living room.

“Yes, please,” Gwen offered her a smile. She felt Harry’s eyes on her still but refused to look back at him.

“Let’s sit,” Hermione heaved out. “I had too much cake.”

They all laughed as they sat down on the floor, each holding onto a pillow. Gwen took a throw blanket and wrapped it around chilled body.

“You look like a gnome,” Ron teased.

“I’m cold,” Gwen defended.

Ron grinned and patted her shoulder. The contact caused something to shift in her mind. There was a pull in the depths of her stomach and the familiar light of her Sight in her mind became present. An image came to her. It was muddied; she had seen it before. She heard her friends talking around her as she sat quietly in a different place and began to untangle the image, like lifting off pieces of yarn.

The room flashed.

This room.

“Gwen,” Harry murmured. “It’s time.”

She looked up and saw the image become clear in his fierce, sad green eyes. The fireplace reflected in his glasses.

She immediately to try and stifle her tears as the silence suddenly filled the room around them.

“We have to go,” Harry said quietly. 

Hermione and Ron nodded, neither of them were looking at Gwen. Gwen bit her lip, seeing the vision again and experiencing it in real life. She felt the vertigo of the sensation and focused on the carpet beneath her fingers. Her heart was screaming. She said nothing. 

Harry called out to her gently. “Gwen?” 

Gwen didn’t look up at first. She couldn’t bear to look at any of them, knowing that she would have to say goodbye to them so soon.

She counted – one, two, three, four, five – and then looked to meet Harry’s pained expression. “I’m sorry,” she tried to explain. She tried to tell them that she had seen this already, but her voice was choking on the words.

She saw his face in her vision; he looked older than she had originally seen. His glasses were smudged and askew with exhaustion but it did not thing to distract from the painfully tired expression of his eyes and the purple smudges of sleepless nights that bruised his face – another symptom of his heartbreak. 

“It’s okay,” Harry said quietly. He didn’t understand why she was apologizing, but he understood, without her saying anything, that she wouldn’t leave with them this time.

Her throat was thick with tears. “I just can’t,” Gwen said. Her voice halting. 

“We know, Gwen,” Hermione reassured.

She reached over and grasped Gwen’s hand. Gwen immediately returned the pressure, begging them silently not to go but knowing that she could never voice those words out loud.

“She needs me.” Gwen said with a ghostly voice.  

Hermione nodded tenderly. Gwen looked back down at the carpet and punched it before she reached up and roughly wiped an errant tear from her face. 

“We’ve never been apart,” she murmured to them, “Not for something like this.”

“We’re never really apart,” Ron said softly.

Gwen covered her eyes with her hands, trying to keep the pieces of herself together. But even as she felt her friends come to hug her, she felt the choking sensation of her own sense telling that it was for the best. She had known this was coming. Her life had been leading her down a different path, and here was the first fork in the road.

This marked the first goodbye.

***

She curled up on the floor the night in her bed of makeshift sheets. She sniffled against the silent onslaught of tears. As she had hugged her friend’s goodbye, she thought that maybe she’d start crying then but she hadn’t. She hugged them, hearing their murmured goodbyes and reassurances that everything would be okay.

“We’ll see you again in a few weeks,” Hermione murmured in her ear.

She gave Gwen a meaningful look and Gwen nodded solemnly. Harry’s seventeenth birthday.

She moved to her other side, trying to ignore the cold floor cutting through the blanket beneath her. She tried not to think about how she missed her old house. She missed Draco.

Even his name made her heart beat painfully. She closed her eyes, letting her ritual self-sabotage begin. She’d avoid thinking about him all day just until right before she fell asleep – then…she’d find him.

She took a deep breath, letting the weight of her eyelids be her focus. She stretched her mind out, but it never had to go far. Her mind knew what she was looking for. She waited – a moment of silence.

And then his heartbeat came.

It was steady. Throbbing with life.

Throbbing with distance.

She felt the emotions swirling through him – the exhaustion, the fear, the longing. All of these pushed deep down into his consciousness covered by a blanket of numb repression. She could taste it coating everything.

She readied herself, imagining that she was in a pond. The world glowed with a hint of deep blue, the stillness of thoughts. She wadded through his consciousness, looking down, not nervous after so many times.

She took another deep breath, steadying her focus, and with fisted hands, she lowered beneath the surface of his thoughts – and she stepped into his mind.

It had been painful the first time, like ripping off her own skin, but she began to imagine it like moving underwater – allowing the coolness overcome her.

Every night she stepped into his nightmares, and every night she did what she could to take them away.

The book, _The History of Sight_ , had warned her that if she invaded another’s mind, those in particular control of their thoughts, might be able to expel her. To be kicked out of someone’s mind would hurt worse than the initial invasion.

She knew that on some level, his consciousness was aware that she was there. Sometimes he noticed her. She felt him whisper her name; his thoughts were calling to what his mind couldn’t understand. She soothed his dreams, using her hands to put things to right inside his troubled mind. It was the only thing she could do for him.

He was running in the woods. Everything was dark. She could see that he was crying and running away from something that Gwen didn’t want to see.

“It’s your destiny, Draco!” The voice was growling at him.

“Stop!” Draco was sobbing.

“You can’t help her,” the dark voice called out. Gwen shivered. “You can’t ever help yourself.”

This part of the dream always hurt. She walked slowly as the smoke began the cover them both. She stopped and looked at him.

He was sitting on the ground as he sobbed. He clutched a lifeless body to his chest.

Her body.

 The first time she’d seen her own dead body, even in someone else’s nightmares, she hadn’t been able to sleep again the next night.

It got a little easier every night, but it was still hard.

She ignored the nauseous feeling in her stomach, feeling the pressure of her eyelids more since she got distracted.

She walked over and kneeled in front of him. She reached for his hands. “Draco,” she whispered.

He never heard her at first, but she hated the idea of surprising him suddenly.

“Draco,” she repeated. She grabbed his hands, having to focus on the feeling of his skin and hers – it was the only way to make contact from her mind to his.  

Draco opened his eyes to look at her. “Gwen?”

She smiled, avoiding the hollow feeling in her chest. “Yes, I’m here.”

“You’re alive,” he whispered.

“I’m alive.” She nodded.

She ignored the way her dreamed dead body thudded to the ground when he let go of it. He reached for her hands, she imagined how cold they would feel.

He clasped her hands tightly and she helped them both stand. She saw her own dead face in the corner of her eye but she focused on his eyes – always more blue than dark grey when she visited him here.  

“Let me show you something,” she said.

He nodded, completely trusting her even in his dreams. He looked back down at her lifeless body. “You were dead,” he whispered.

“Look at me now,” Gwen told him.

Draco looked at her like it was only thing keeping her alive. She moved his hand to her cheek. “I’m alive,” she said. “I’m right here.”

He nodded but didn’t speak.

“Come on,” she whispered.

She led him by his hands away from his nightmare and took him into a forest – specifically the forest by her home. Her old home – The Cottage.

“It’s beautiful,” Draco said.

His face was bright surrounded by the trees and the blue sky, his nightmare becoming distant and disappearing. The puffy clouds that pulled lazily across the sky mimicked their pace – a limitation to Gwen’s abilities.

“It’s my favorite place,” Gwen told him.

“Yes,” he murmured. “You always loved it here.”

“I still do.”

“Do you miss it?”

“I miss you,” Gwen smiled at him.

Draco laughed – a sound that came from his own mind, not hers.

She could feel his consciousness reacting to her invasion, but there was no resistance. He welcomed her, pulled her closer.

He tugged her arm slightly. “I love you.”

The words nearly broke her concentration. “Tell me how you are?” She asked.

He frowned as they walked to the edge of a gentle river. As per their routine, they sat down at the bank, letting their feet dangle into the water, still holding hands.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said.

“No, tell me.”

“Why do you want to know, Gwen?”

“Because I want to know what you’re going through.”

He sighed. “It doesn’t matter. Can’t we just be together here?”

“No,” Gwen said. “We have to deal with it. If we never can in real life, let’s just here…let’s just try.”

Draco looked at her. She met his gaze head on – knowing that she probably looked as vulnerable as she felt. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Alright, Gwen,” he whispered. “What do you want to know?”

“How is your mother?”

Another flash of pain flashed across his face, but he didn’t hide it. “She’s not well,” he said. “She’s struggling, trying to keep us all together. It’s like they know they’ve made a mistake, but they’re in too deep to walk away now.”

“Why?” Gwen asked.

“He’d kill them. He’d kill all of us.”

Gwen was silent for a moment. “Are you afraid?”

“Terrified,” Draco admitted with a dry laugh. “I’ve never been more afraid. Even when I tricked Katie Bell into taking the necklace or trying to kill Dumbledore. I’m terrified, Gwen.”

She felt her chest constrict at those memories. “Do you regret those things?”

“Yes,” he said instantly. “I still feel so…weak.”

“You’re not though,” Gwen insisted. “You’re so strong, Draco.”

“No,” he shook his head. “That’s you. You’re strong.”

“Draco,” she murmured sympathetically.

“If I was a fraction as brave as you, I would’ve left a long time ago.”

“You still can,” she insisted.

“I’m a coward, Gwen,” Draco said. “I couldn’t. I can’t.”

“You could,” she repeated. “You can.”

He didn’t respond. She leaned her head on his shoulder. He leaned his cheek against her hair. Her hair was still short in these moments, even though the dead version of her always had long hair.

“How’s _your_ mother?” He asked her.

“She’s dying, I think,” Gwen said quietly.

He rubbed his cheek against her hair. “Are you afraid, Gwen?”

“I’m afraid to lose her,” Gwen said, “But not because I’m afraid to be alone.”

“What do you mean?” Draco asked.

“I’m not afraid to be alone, but I don’t want to be in a world where my mom doesn’t exist,” she explained.

“What will you do when she dies?”

Gwen didn’t say anything for a while. “I’ll hold onto the faith that I’ll see her again one day.”

He made a soft humming sound in agreement. “Do you think we’ll see each other again?”

“Yes,” Gwen smiled. “And it’ll be horrible.”

Draco laughed. “Why’s that?”

“Because it will be in the most normal place on a normal day,” she said. “We’ll pass each other on the street. Maybe in Diagon Alley and our eyes will meet and we’ll both halt – surprised.”

“Then what happens?” He murmured.

“Well,” Gwen continued, “We smile awkwardly because these things always are, you know.”

“Of course,” he agreed in the same tone of voice.

“And then we’ll ask each other the general niceties that people usually do when they see each other for the first time in a long while.”

“How are you?” Draco elaborated.

“How’s life?” Gwen added.

“And then what happens?” Draco prompted, a smile clear in his voice.

Gwen felt a tug of sadness in her chest. “And then,” she said. Her voice got quiet and she wrapped her arms around his, pulling it close to her. “Then, your wife comes out to see what’s been taking you so long. She’s been holding your table for lunch, but she’s gotten hungry so she came to look for you. And she’s beautiful and perfect and everything. But…”

“But what?” Draco asked.

“But she’s not me,” Gwen admitted. She looked out into the forest, the haven she created for them, and felt that hollow pang in her chest.

“Gwen,” Draco tried to argue but she cut him off.

“And I’ll see the happiness in your eyes when you look at her,” she said. “And then I’ll know that you’re happy and so I’ll introduce myself to her to be polite and then, after that, I’ll walk away feeling safe.”

“Safe?” His voice was hoarse.

“Yes, safe,” Gwen said. “I’ll know that you’re happy and taken care of, and that will be enough for me.”

He pulled away from her again and she let him. He looked at her with serious, intense eyes. She smiled at him crookedly and put a soft hand on his face again, focusing on the feeling of his skin on hers to strengthen this moment.

“It’s okay, Draco,” she said. “It’s okay if we move on.”

“Why are you saying that?” Draco asked.

She was silent and for a brief moment she thought of Fred. A present, real person. “We can’t live on these moments forever,” she told him sadly. “One day, we’ll have to move on, move forward. We shouldn’t live standing still.”

He frowned. “Do you not love me anymore?”

“I’ll always love you.”

He looked away from her. “Do you love someone else?”

“Not yet,” Gwen whispered. “But is it unforgivable of me to want to?”

Draco’s eye pinched slightly. “No,” he murmured. He turned to look back at her and his gaze made her feel warm – sunshine running through her blood. “There’s nothing you could do that would be unforgivable to me.”

“Because you love me.” Gwen smiled.  

He smiled back at her; it was shaky, but it was there. “I do,” he said. “I’ll always love you.”

He paused to kiss the back of her fingers. He stroked them carefully before looking back up at her. “But that’s not enough, is it?”

She didn’t respond. Instead she put her head back on his shoulder and just held him. He kissed her head and they held hands tightly, and together, they both fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's...been a long time....
> 
> A very weird, happy, weird busy time. I hope you're all happy and safe.


	4. Moonlight Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comment, kudos, bookmark!

When the light filtered through her window, Gwen blinked herself awake. Sensing her rousing, Courage came and sat down next to her. The once small pup had grown to weigh nearly as much as Gwen.

She rolled back slightly until her back was leaning against the warm weight of Courage, sensing the sweet contentment in the still young pup. She took in a deep breath, fully relaxing.  

Suddenly, she felt the familiar tugging sensation behind her bellybutton, almost as if she had been stabbed. She took a sharp inhalation and clutched her blanket a little tighter. She heard Courage whimper but she was powerless to stop the tide. Her visions rarely came this fast anymore, but the light in the center of her mind was flying towards her and in an instant – she was gone.

She saw herself pacing around a small, dusty room wearing a black cloak. Her hair was covered tightly by a maroon scarf. She could hear the sounds of a busy street outside – cars, feet, voices shouting in a foreign language.  

She moved to stand in front of a chipped mirror. It wasn’t much bigger than a small window. The glass was smudged was time and dust. Since her hair was completely covered, her face seemed in even sharper focus. Her face was almost shockingly different; it was sharper. Her nose seemed more prominent, her cheekbones jutted out.

Like the mirror, her face was streaked with the strain of time, but it hadn’t aged. She looked…calm.

She heard the crack sound of someone apparating into the room.

She smiled as he walked behind her, looking at her through the mirror.

“ _You came,”_ he murmured.

“ _I told you I would,_ ” Gwen said.

“ _I know. You’re like smoke though – always disappearing._ ”

Gwen laughed, and they both continued to smile at each other through the old mirror. From where she stood, he wasn’t very tall, but he was strong. Even from the small mirror, she could see the strong expanse of his chest and shoulders.

His jet-black hair lay long and flat against his smooth, pale forehead. The smile on his face caused his small, slanted eyes to almost close completely, but Gwen could see his warmth in them. They continued to look at each other through the mirror. 

“ _It’s strange to see you here,_ ” Gwen said.

“ _You look different,_ ” he said. “ _But like you belong here._ ”

Gwen’s smile broadened and she turned around to face him. She heard him laugh.

Gwen woke up gasping.

She sat up in her sheet, fumbling around for her wand. “Lumos.”

She was still breathing heavily as she looked around. She was in her room at The Tower. The moonlight was pouring into the room, making the eerie darkness nearly overwhelming.

_You look different here_ , he said. Where was “here?”

Gwen tucked her knees up and lowered her forehead, focusing on her breathing. When the visiosn came at her like that, they always left her nauseous. She tried to recall Professor Trelawney’s advice to imagine the natural tenor of her breath and a sense of calm returning to her body – the same way one would gather flowers.

_You dear girl_ , a pair of silver eyes flashed behind her closed eyes. _Do not fear what is to come._

_Stop_ , Gwen thought in response fiercely. _Stop invading my thoughts_.

_Stop me yourself,_ the voice mocked.

Gwen was still shaking slightly but she visualized the light in her head, trying to create some type of deterrent. The voice had become more active since she had come back home. She did her best to ignore it, but she felt the presence in her mind. Someone that was not her, tapping on the walls of her thoughts. It didn’t feel like someone was testing for weaknesses, but rather they were drawing out her strengths.

She visualized bricks of light. Her limbs began to shake slightly with strain, as if she was physically lifting them. She created a row, a foundation, and then breathing out slowly, she visualized the bricks flying up – hitting as high as they could.

The presence faded, and Gwen breathed out an audible sigh of relief. Courage whimpered against her, feeling the tension from her body fade. Gwen couldn’t believe those few moments caused her that level of fatigue.

She laid back down, not even minding the hard floor anymore. Her thoughts faded, and she very quietly faded back into sleep.

###

 She woke up later in the day still feeling tired. Sleeping shouldn’t really be like that. She sat up and scrubbed her face. Courage had long abandoned her, most probably to go outside or eat. Gwen sighed, pushing her short locks out of her face.

Her thoughts immediately turned to Draco as they usually did when she was by herself. Adora’s wedding was tomorrow. Gwen wanted, more than anything else, for him to be there, but she knew that it was close to impossible.

She moved to the small desk that Luca had moved into her room for her. She had a story that she had been half-heartedly attempting still laying there, untouched for days. She wasn’t able to concentrate long enough.

She pulled out a blank sheet of parchment. She was surprised at the steadiness in her own hands as her messy, cursive handwriting begin to form on the page.

_Draco,_

_My mom is getting married tomorrow. I’ve enchanted the page to include my new address. Just come. Don’t think about anything. Just come._

_Forever yours,_

_Gwen_

 

She followed her own advice and didn’t think as she maybe recklessly enchanted the paper to include her location, rolled up her parchment, and moved to the window.

Pegasus came and rested on the sill.

“Find Draco,” Gwen stroked the owl. “Bring him to me even if just for a day.”

Gwen stayed at the window until Pegasus disappeared into the morning sky. She took a deep breath. _Please_.

###

The day of the wedding was stressful until the moment Adora walked down the aisle. Gwen and Luca had been running around since before the sun had come up in order to put things into place.

Eartha and J.B. apparated a few hours before the ceremony.

“We’re here!” Eartha called out, “and ready to help.”

“Great,” Gwen said, not greeting her properly. “Can you make sure there are enough clean plates?”

Eartha nodded, already moving to the kitchen. “Got it.”

J.B. reached forward and grasped Gwen by the shoulders. She had been moving so quickly that she lurched back suddenly. She looked up at J.B. in confusion. “What?”

He smiled widely at her. “Have you taken a breath today?”

Gwen took a dramatically large breath, breathing out obnoxiously. J.B. laughed. “Very good,” he said as he released her. “On your way.” 

When everything was finally in order, Gwen and Eartha slipped into Gwen’s room so Gwen could get dressed. “It looks nice, right?” Gwen worried. “I want it to look pretty.”

“It’s gorgeous, Gwen,” Eartha assured her. “The flowers look amazing.”

Gwen bit her lip behind her armoire door as she slipped into her dress. “I’m worried it’s not enough.”

“Stop worrying.”

Gwen sighed. She pulled on the silky emerald dress that Adora had gifted her a while back. The short, fitted sleeves secured as the dress wrapped around her body. She secured it with the sash at her waist, feeling it brush at her calves. “I just want her to love it,” she said as she walked back into the room.

Eartha didn’t say anything. Gwen looked at her and raised her eyebrows. Eartha was looking at her with her mouth slightly agape. “Gwen!”

“What?” Gwen could hear the anxiety in her voice.

“You look gorgeous!” Eartha squealed.

“Oh, uh…thanks.”

 “I’m not kidding,” Eartha said.

Gwen laughed awkwardly. “I believe you. Really, thank you. You do too.”

And Gwen meant it. Eartha was wearing a red dress that practically glowed on her hazelnut skin.

 “Fred’s going to like that dress on you.” Eartha wiggled her eyebrows.  

Gwen grimaced. “Eartha.”

Her voice was a warning and Eartha couldn’t care less. “I’m just saying…” She said in a sing-song voice.

“Stop saying it, please,” Gwen said. She went to the mirror and looked at her hair. “What should I do with this mess?”

“Leave it down,” Eartha said. Her wild curls were tamed in a high bun. “It’s got a nice curl in it when you leave it short.”

Eartha quickly mussed up Gwen’s hair so that it looked semi-styled instead of just like she rolled out of bed. “I think I hear people,” Eartha said.

“Let me just grab my shoes,” Gwen said standing.

Eartha shook her head. “Just take a minute,” she said. “I’ll go greet them.”

Gwen looked at her friend confusedly but said nothing as Eartha gave her a warm hug. “You’re okay,” she murmured.

Gwen felt tears prick her eyes. She felt the warmth of Eartha’s feelings for her and fought the wave of emotion churning in her stomach. She stayed silent as Eartha left the room. Gwen sniffed hard and cleared her throat, blinking away the tears.

She slipped on her nude flats, hating heels, and went back to the look in the mirror. She wasn’t wearing makeup. She hated to in the summer and her skin was a dark olive from the summer sun. She could still see some acne scars but it didn’t bother her.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She could Draco, always at the precipice of her mind. She felt his regret.

She gripped the chair in front of her to steady herself and shook her head. The chances of him coming were so slim, they were invisible. She needed to let go and finally move on. “No more,” she whispered to herself.

She pushed herself from her room and into the hallway. She heard laughter and polite conversation filtering through their small house. She turned the corner and walked into the kitchen. The first person she saw was Mrs. Weasley who didn’t pause long enough to speak to Gwen before she threw her strong arms around her.

“Gwen,” she murmured. Mrs. Weasley was one of the few people that Gwen managed to stay at eye-level with. “How are you, dear?”

“I’m doing okay,” Gwen said back, returning the hug with equal force. Mrs. Weasley, no matter who she was with, exuded a maternal warmth that Gwen was always eternally grateful for.

Mrs. Weasley pulled back and put her hand gently on Gwen’s cheek. “If you need anything ever, come find me.”

Gwen smiled. “Thank you.”

“That’s not a request,” Mrs. Weasley threatened.

That made Gwen laugh. “Yes, ma’am.”

She heard Adora’s southern twang in her own voice, making Mrs. Weasley grin before she patted Gwen’s cheek once more and moved past her.

Gwen continued to move through the kitchen, hugging and greeting people as she saw them. Hermione and she hugged for a long time. “How are you?” Hermione asked.

“Since two days ago?” Gwen teased. “Pretty good.”

Hermione laughed.

“How about you, ‘Mione?” Gwen asked quietly. “How has everything been?”

A shadow passed across Hermione’s face. “Hard,” she said. “Things have been…stressful. Everyone has a secret it feels like.”

Gwen only felt the slight accusation because she felt in her throat. She swallowed the guilt, not allowing her own problems to color the day.

“We’ll all make it through,” Gwen reassured. “It’s just…a lot right now.”

“When is it not?” Hermione grumbled making Gwen snort.

Luca, who had disappeared a few moments ago, came over to Gwen. She sensed his worry before he even touched her shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” She asked instantly.

Luca frowned because his face was completely smooth of emotion when he approached her. Gwen knew he wanted to ask her how she knew something was wrong but he bypassed it in favor of something else more important. “Your mom wants to talk to you,” he murmured.

Gwen felt her stomach leap nervously. Luca looked nervous and Gwen didn’t like that. Luca was always calm, always sturdy. She nodded mutely and moved from the kitchen to Adora’s room.

Maybe he was just scared to get married, Gwen worried to herself as she walked back down the hall and pushed Adora’s door open.

Adora was sitting on her bed, skinnier than Gwen had ever seen her, but still so beautiful. She looked up and smiled as Gwen walked in. Gwen walked towards her, noticing the picture she was holding in her hand. It was a picture of Gwen when she was maybe six years old, grinning with missing teeth.

“This is one of my favorite pictures of you,” Adora said quietly. “I loved when you smiled. It made me feel like I was doing something right.”

Gwen kissed her forehead. “You did everything right.”

Adora grimaced. “No,” she said, “I don’t think I did, Gwen.” She sighed. “Sit down with me for a little.”

Instead of sitting on the bed like Adora had gestured, Gwen knelt on the ground, putting her arms gently in her mother’s lap.

Adora stroked her hair softly. “I want to apologize to you.”

“For what?” Gwen asked.

“For leaving you.”

Gwen felt hurt and shocked. “You aren’t choosing to.”

“Yes,” Adora said. “I know, but I’m still sorry.”

“I won’t be alone, mom,” Gwen said.

Adora didn’t say anything. Gwen felt her mother’s sadness in her chest.

“I’ll have Luca,” she said. “I’ll have my friends. I’ll have so many people. So many people because I had you first. You’ll always be with me.”

Adora wiped away an errant tear. “Are you still sad about Draco, Gwen?”

Gwen felt that prick her heart, still sensing Draco’s regret miles and miles away. “I love him,” she said quietly. “That won’t change, but I won’t stop living so I can wait for him.”

“I’m proud of you, Gwen,” Adora whispered.

“You raised me,” Gwen hugged her mother’s lap. “I’m proud of _you._ ”

Adora gave a watery laugh. “I never thought I would get married again. I always thought it would just be you and I forever.”

“Me too,” Gwen said honestly. “But I’m glad you have someone, mom.”

“We have someone,” Adora corrected gently.

“Yes,” Gwen agreed. She loved Luca dearly. “We have someone.”

Adora reached down and hugged Gwen as fiercely as she could. “I guess we should get out there,” Adora whispered.

“Yeah,” Gwen joked. “We don’t need people to talk.”

They both laughed at that and Gwen helped Adora stand up. She moved to the door. Eartha must’ve moved everyone to the back to sit down. Gwen felt a sense of gratitude sweep all through her. Her friends truly loved her.

Adora came over and looped her arms through Gwen’s. “Thank you for walking me down the aisle,” Adora said.

“I’m honored,” Gwen said, trying to make her laugh.

She grinned as Adora let out another laugh, ignoring the fact that she still sounded tired. Even in the midst of her disease, Adora still glowed like an ember.

The ceremony went by in a blur. Everyone was teary-eyed throughout the entirety of it. Gwen, Luca, and Adora were fully crying by the end. After Adora and Luca kissed to punctuate being announced husband and wife, Adora reached back and pulled Gwen between them. Luca kissed the top of her head and they all hugged.

The guests cheered loudly and clapped behind them. Gwen squeezed them both closer to her, trying to be careful of her mother’s newly weak frame.

She tried to commit this moment to memory. She wanted to lock it in her mind for the rest of her life. She knew that she would need it.

Eventually, Adora and Luca made it back down the aisle and onto the dance floor. Gwen watched them from the side, clasping her hands together and smiling. She grinned wider as Mr. Weasley practically dragged a blushing Mrs. Weasley to the dance floor.

They were followed after by J.B. and Eartha. Gwen watched her friends with happiness. Their love for each other lit up their faces as they danced closely.

“What would it take to convince you to let me drag you around the dance floor?” Someone murmured to her.

She felt her stomach flip slightly. She gave Fred a sideways smile. “50 quid.”

Fred grinned widely and started jingling around his pockets. “Can I owe you?”

Gwen gave a sigh of fake exasperation. “I suppose so.”

Fred chuckled as he took Gwen’s hand and led her to the dance floor. She bit her tongue when Fred put one of his hands on her waist and kept the other hand firmly clasped in his. When she put her hand on his shoulder, practically stretching, he pulled her closer and gently they began to sway.

“You’re too tall for me,” Gwen mock complained, trying to ease her nervousness. “I’m getting a cramp in my arm.”

Fred moved his hand from Gwen’s waist and brought it to rest beneath Gwen’s bare arm, supporting the weight. “Better?”

Feeling his skin on hers, Gwen could sense that he was attracted to her. Really attracted to her. And if the butterflies that erupted in her stomach were any indication, she reciprocated.

She blushed. “Yeah, that’s alright.”

Fred grinned at her blushing skin and moved his hand back to her waist. His voice was soft when he spoke next, almost intimate. “How are you?”

“Pretty good,” she evaded his sudden smolder by making a joke. “Wedding planning is no joke.”

“Mmm,” he murmured. “I meant with everything else.”

Gwen really didn’t want to talk about that right now, and she felt her face slip back into a neutral sort of mask. “I’m okay.”

Fred saw the hard planes of her face and brought her a fraction closer to him. “I don’t believe you in the slightest,” he said softly. His big brown eyes practically stripped her bare as they swayed to the music, neither of them breaking eye contact. “But since it’s your mother’s wedding, I’ll let it go for now.”

Gwen gave him a slightly pained, crooked smile. “That’s very giving of you,” she said pseudo-seriously.

Fred shrugged, nearly dislodging Gwen’s hand from his shoulder. “I’m a very giving person.”

“I’ve not seen much evidence of that,” she teased.

“Just give me a bit more time to create the mood,” he returned her playful tone, “Then I’ll show all the evidence you need.”

Gwen felt a hitch in her breath even as she laughed. “You’re too forward,” she said bluntly. It sounded like a warning.

He squeezed her waist with his hand. “And you’re beautiful.”

Gwen felt her eyes widen in surprise. She looked at Fred like she’d never seen another human before, all wide eyes and doe-like fear.

“I….” She tried to say something – anything – but any word she ever knew died on her tongue.

Fred grinned roguishly. “Don’t worry about responding,” he said casually, “It takes most ladies a moment to recover from my charm.”

That drew a sardonic look from Gwen, and she playfully stamped on one of his feet.

“Ow,” Fred cried out.

“Consider that part of my recovery process,” Gwen quipped.

Fred threw his head back and laughed. It was such a glorious sound that people all turned around to look at them.

“What a lovely couple.” One of Adora’s old work friends cooed as they walked past them.

Gwen blushed and looked at Fred’s chest, not wanting to meet his eyes. She suddenly felt intensely guilty but didn’t know why.

_You know why_ , she said to herself. She felt Draco’s regret a thousand miles away, practically strangling her. She moved closer to Fred, practically nestling herself against him as she tried to displace the guilty feelings.

If Fred was surprised, he didn’t feel it. He simply wrapped his arm more securely around Gwen’s waist and carried them across the floor.

She and Fred danced a few more times, causing some slight whispering, but everyone was well-intentioned so Gwen didn’t concern herself very much with it. She knew that people were staring at them. She felt some awe, happiness from Mrs. Weasley and her mother, and even some jealousy – but she decided not to focus hard enough to see who was feeling that.

She danced with Adora and they both cried. She danced with Luca and he cried. She danced with Hermione and they laughed.

J.B. tried to dance with her but they start bickering about who should lead until Eartha sighed and broke them apart, making them both take a juice break while they continued to mutter side-by-side under their breath.

Gwen was sitting on a chair watching Adora and Luca sit at a small table. Adora was leaning into Luca and he was whispering something in her ear, making her laugh.

Gwen felt their love, like pressurized air in her throat, and didn’t find it overwhelming. It didn’t even make her feel sad as it once had.

Her eyes found Fred across the room and her heart leapt slightly as he danced with his mom, giving her a bright smile and making her laugh. She felt a small smile chase across her lips and wondered if the tall ginger had anything to do with her change in heart.

“You look happy,” Harry said, suddenly near her.

Gwen looked up at him from her seat and gave him a bright smile. “Of course,” she chirped. “My mom’s happy, Luca’s happy.” She shrugged. “I’m happy.”

Harry nodded. “I’m glad.”

She tilted her head. “What’s got you down, Potter?”

She could feel his angst and melancholy piercing through the flooding happiness. He gave her a wan smile, so unlike the one that practically ate Fred’s face every time he looked at her.

“Nothing’s wrong,” he said quietly.

“You sure about that?” She pressed gently.

Harry looked out at the dance floor before looking back down at Gwen. “May I have this dance?”

He held out his hand and Gwen took it. They walked on the dance floor and it was strangely familiar for Gwen to wrap her arms around Harry’s neck as he slipped his hands around her waist.

Harry was taller than her now so she had to look up to see him. “Tell me what’s wrong,” she murmured.

He was quiet for a moment before finally speaking. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Let go of someone.”

She raised her eyebrows in question. “What do you mean?”

“You were in love with…someone,” Harry finished lamely. His eyes quickly darted across the room nervously. “You were in love, really in love, and yet you can move on. How did you do that?”

I haven’t, Gwen wanted to say, but in some ways, she had. She felt Fred in her mind; his quiet happiness, the softer ridge of his personality, and the angst he kept hidden.

She tried to focus on Harry again, staying silent. She looked at Harry’s collar as they continued to sway, barely dancing. The thing about Harry that Gwen was discovering more and more was that he was always drowning. Hermione and Ron somehow didn’t get caught up in the current, but Gwen…Gwen always felt the water levels rise around her own neck whenever she was around Harry.

Maybe it was all the unspoken emotion between them, Gwen thought through quickly. Maybe it was all the words that they never said and no longer had a place to be said. Maybe that’s what connected them so strangely. Two fractured pieces that never attempted to make it work.

She thought about all the other boys that had walked into her life – Colin, Draco…Fred. She was surprised for a moment before she suddenly wasn’t. They all lifted her up instead of pulling her down with them. These were all people who would rather drown knowing that they were managing to keep her above the water.

Harry felt that way about Ginny. The realization of it almost knocked her to the ground but she had her hands clasped behind Harry’s neck.

“Do you think it would have ever worked between us?” Harry asked, somehow reading her mind.

“No,” Gwen murmured instantly.

She felt the hurt pass through him from her suddenness. She moved her hands to his shoulders, like she was bracing him. She lifted her face back up so they were making eye contact.

“We’re both drowning, Harry,” she said softly. She only then noticing the sudden dusk and the candles that had been lit to keep everyone visible. “We’d only drag each other down.”

“But we don’t as friends,” Harry tried to counter.

Gwen felt the frailty of his conviction. He was lonely and sad, and he just wanted something familiar and comfortable – like Gwen.

“We do,” she whispered. “We just barely get by.”

Gwen saw the truth on Harry’s face as he understood the truth of her words. She felt tears prick her eyes again and this time she knew they would escape her.

“You know,” she said hoarsely. “I really do love you.”

“I love you too, Gwen,” he said.

But we’re not in love with each other, Gwen wanted to say, but she knew by the look in his eye that he already knew that. And in a single dance, Gwen and Harry quietly resolved years of unspent tension.

The song wasn’t over but Gwen stopped dancing and hugged Harry tightly, saying goodbye to the “what-if” that they had both been holding onto all of these years.

He hugged her back just as fiercely before Gwen, knowing that she was going to lose control of the tears falling down her cheeks, pulled away and turned and tried to walk as quickly as she could outside of the tent.

She moved outside and began to cry a little harder. It was warm outside but she clutched her bare arms, suddenly terribly cold.

The moon caused the whole world to glow grey and she cried harder. She felt the constant, distant presence of Draco, he felt different she but pushed it away. She was tired of relying on familiar things just because it was easy.

She was tired of giving herself excuses.

She was tired of standing still.

Someone slipped a coat around her, warm from being worn. Gwen instantly stopped crying and looked at the moon-paled face of Fred.

She sniffled and quickly wiped her cheeks. “Hi,” she croaked.

“Hello,” he said softly. He tipped his head towards her.

“I’m just happy,” she immediately lied.

Fred nodded, staying silent. Gwen sensed that he didn’t believe her. They continued to just look at each other.

“You and Harry,” Fred said carefully.

He looked down at his feet. He tucked his hands deep into his pockets and kicked at the grass slightly. “You know, Ginny was always worried there was something between the two of you.”

Gwen felt angry and guilty at that. “We never did anything about it,” Gwen told him truthfully. She didn’t know why she felt compelled to tell Fred.

“And now?”

His voice was somber, like he was almost mourning something.

“And now,” Gwen sniffed. “And now there’s nothing left to do anything about.”

That got Fred’s attention. “What do you mean?”

Gwen gave him a crooked smile, wiping the last tears from her cheek. “We were both in love with other people. We both had our hearts broken. We both were just trying to find some familiar footing but life just doesn’t work that way, you know?”

Fred didn’t blink as he nodded once more. “Are you still?”

“Still what?”

He cleared his throat embarrassedly. “In love with that other bloke.”

“I’m not sure,” Gwen said truthfully. “I think a part of me might always love him.”

“But not all of you?”

“No,” Gwen whispered. “The part of me that loved him is no longer all of me. It’s just a part of who I used to be. It’s a part of the past.”

The words almost broke her heart in half, but she looked at Fred, anchoring herself in the present.

“I like you, Gwen,” Fred murmured

Gwen knew this but she was still surprised.

“I have for a long time,” he continued, “But I had a feeling that you were…with someone else so I didn’t do anything. I’m not asking for anything. I’m just trying to be honest.”

She felt a rush of something she couldn’t immediately identify in her chest. It was like gratitude but warmer. “Thank you, Fred.”

He gave her a crooked smile, looking back down at his shoes. “You’re welcome,” he said with laughter in his voice.

“You might deserve more than a mangled heart,” she said.

Fred looked up at her through his eyelashes. Making eye contact with Gwen the whole time, giving her a chance to move away if she wanted to, Fred kissed her cheek. Gwen was staring at the glowing landscape suffused in moonlight.

“You’re not mangled,” he murmured in her. “You’re golden, Gwen. The closest thing to human sunshine I’ve ever seen.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a twist! Let me know your angst and your thoughts. Love you all!


	5. This is the Price

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bookmark, comment, kudos!

“Gwen, dinner!”

“Coming,” Gwen called out.

She looked at herself in the mirror, smoothing out her short locks. Her outfit was simple – dark jeans and a dark sweater. What she needed was to blend into the night sky and risk her life riding a broom.

Tonight was the night they snuck Harry away.  

She took a deep breath. She couldn’t delay any longer so she pushed herself away and left her room. Moving towards the kitchen, she smelt the familiar smells of roast chicken and mash.

Adora was sitting in a chair with a blanket curled around her, watching Luca scurry around in an apron.

“Gwen, marry a domestic man,” Adora advised grinning.

Luca laughed as Gwen took her seat. “I’ll make sure to do that,” she teased.

“Dinner is served,” Luca said.

He placed the serving dish in the middle and bowed with a flourish. Gwen and Adora clapped for him, making them all smile.

Luca reached for Gwen’s plate and started piling food high.

“Thank you,” Gwen said, staring at the food.

Luca gave her a speaking smile and turned to put Adora’s food. They were talking but Gwen couldn’t really hear. She was thinking too hard about tonight.

Adora noticed her peckish behavior. “Are you nervous?”

Gwen forced a smile on her face, hating that she had lied. “Yeah,” she said, “We just want everything to go well.”

“I’m sure Harry will be grateful you’re all surprising him for his birthday,” Adora smiled.

“I think so too,” Gwen said, feeling the lie curdle the food in her mouth.

She sat with Adora and Luca for another twenty minutes, forcing small, sawdust bites into her mouth.

She’d debated telling Adora what tonight really was for. She knew that perhaps it might have been easier to convince her, but since Adora had gotten sick, she’d gotten less okay with the dangerous darkness that seemed to surround Gwen.

But maybe that’s when Gwen was just telling herself to justify lying. She looked at her mashed potatoes, remembering Hermione’s crying face the when she crawled into Gwen’s bed at night and hugged her.

“What happened?” Gwen murmured.

She wrapped her arms around her best friend.

“I had to protect them, Gwen,” Hermione whimpered. “I had to make sure they wouldn’t get hurt. They’re murdering Muggle families.”

Gwen remembered the story in the _Daily Prophet_. She’d thought of her own family as well, but it had been Lupin who had placed the protection spell on their home and so Gwen wasn’t scared.

She pushed away her plate and gave what felt like a brittle smile. “I don’t want to fill up before I get there.”

Adora was watching her face carefully and Gwen using every ounce of ability she had, smoothed out her face.

“Are you okay, sweetie?” Adora asked.

Gwen looked at her mother’s gray-hued skin – she’d been feeling worse this week. Gwen wished fervently that she could pour her own strength into Adora, her own life.

“I just don’t want to be late,” Gwen said. At least that was the truth.

“Alright,” Adora agreed gently. Gwen knew Adora didn’t believe her. She tasted the sickly-sweet syrup of worry in her throat. “Why don’t you go ahead and apparate there?”

Gwen, who was of age, no longer needed to use floo powder. So, she nodded and without making eye contact went and grabbed her jacket from the counter. It was summer, but she knew flying in the clouds was never a warm experience.

She turned and went to hug Adora bye. Adora wrapped her frail arms around Gwen, squeezing her as tight as she could. Whereas Gwen was taking every precaution to not tighten her arms into a vice, squeezing her mother inside her own body where nothing – not even cancer – could hurt her.

“Love you,” Adora murmured into Gwen’s shoulder.

“Love you more,” Gwen said. Her voice slightly shook and so she held her breath carefully.

Gwen slowly released her mom and though she knew she might regret it, she’d avoided looking Adora in the eye. She went across the table and gave Luca a hug.

“Be careful,” he said, sounding every inch as fatherly as Gwen already saw him.

“I will,” she returned dutifully. She really wanted to mean it.

She pulled away from both of them and smiled. Courage, already a beautiful hulking, cuddling beast came and rubbed her head against Gwen’s leg. Gwen pat her head and smiled, feeling the peaceful love that came with animals.

She looked back up at Adora and Luca, her parents, the people she had chosen and had chosen her. She felt her through tighten, but it was the drum of duty that made it possible for her to smile and choke back the tears.

When she was sure that she wouldn’t cry. She then spoke.

“I love you both.”

She’d meant for it to be casually. She had just wanted to say it once before she left. Just in case. She’d wanted them to know. Yet even to her own ears, she heard what she was really saying.

_Goodbye._

“Gwen,” Adora furrowed her brow.

“I won’t be home late,” Gwen said quickly. “I’ll try not to wake you.”

And before either of them could stop her or she could change her hand, Gwen sucked in her stomach, and apparated to 4 Privet Drive.

She arrived in the living room with all of her friends there.

“About time, Easton,” Moody barked out.

“Sorry,” Gwen replied without thinking.

Her eyes found Hermione’s and the two girls instantly came and hugged tightly. “Gwen,” Hermione said in hello.

They pulled apart and smiled at each other. Gwen could taste Hermione’s grief and her loss, but saw none of it on her face.

She went around and hugged the rest of the room, starting with Ron. She blushed slightly when she stood in front of Fred. She hadn’t seen him since the wedding and wasn’t sure if she was allowed to hug him the same way. It suddenly felt charged with a decision she hadn’t made.

He smiled at her softly, making her chest feel warm and her stomach flip. He took the thinking process away from her by reaching forward and pulling her to his chest. “Hello, little one.”

The nickname made Gwen’s lips quirk. “Are you calling me short?”

Fred’s smile turned into a grin. He opened his mouth to reply but Moody barked at them.

“This isn’t time for a courtship!”

Gwen blushed and rolled her eyes. She moved next to Harry and hugged him while Moody kept talking.

“It’s okay,” she whispered in his ear.

Harry squeezed her tightly. “It’s not.”

Gwen felt the anxiety, dread, fear, and the guilt. The guilt almost crushed her. She felt its jagged edges as it tore into her, just as it was tearing through Harry. She turned to Moody, but focused on that feeling.

She visualized Harry’s guilt, seeing the dark, piercing mass, and she slowly smoothed it in her head like one shaving down wood. She smoothed the edges.

She saw Harry visibly relax next to her.

Did she actually just do that?

“Granger,” Moody said sternly. “As discussed.”

Hermione walked behind Harry, audibly ripping out a chunk of his hair.

“Blimey, Hermione!” Harry snapped.

Moody swirled the potion around in his flask, looking a little too gleeful in Gwen’s opinion. He lumbered over to the group of them – Fred and George, Fleur, Mundungus Fletcher, Ron, Gwen, and Hermione.

Fleur had meant to come but had gotten ill earlier that day.

“For those of you who haven’t taken Polyjuice Potion before,” Moody began, “Beware. It tastes like goblin’s piss.”

“Have a lot of experience with that do you?” Fred asked as he raised the vial to his lips.

At Moody’s stoic, one-eyed glare, Fred opened his eyes wide, stretching out his words with humor. “Just trying to diffuse the tension.”

Before Fred could take a sip, Moody snatched the flash back. “We’re not evenly numbered now. Our seventh rider isn’t coming.”

They all looked at each other. “One of you will have to escort a Harry,” Moody said. “Easton, you were last so you can go as yourself.”

The fear that statement caused her almost had her weeing on herself.

“No,” Fred said instantly. “I’ll do it. I’ll take Gwen.”

Moody looked at Fred skeptically. “Alright then.”

Gwen avoided making eye contact with anyone as Fred stepped out of the line.

George took the flash, grinning at his brother knowingly. “Very heroic,” he teased.

Fred grinned good-naturedly, unbothered by his brother while Gwen flushed, suddenly eager for the potion. George took a sip, grunted, and passed the flask down the line each one giving the same grunt of disgust before beginning to morph into their favorite bespectacled friend. Gwen took the flask from Ron, knowing what was coming.

She’d tried to wipe out their third-year experience with Polyjuice Potion and was not looking forward into experiencing it again. She gritted her teeth and brought the flash up to her lips and took the pungent sip.

She managed to keep any groaning internal and handed the flash to Hermione.

She felt instantly the uncomfortable shift in her body, like she was bubbling from the inside. It wasn’t long before they all stood before alike.

“It’s finally happened,” Fred cajoled. “I’m only person who looks like me.”

Gwen huffed out a laugh. Fred looked over the sea of Harry’s and grinned at her.

“Don’t get used to it,” a Harry said with a George voice.

“Alright, all of you,” Moody snapped. “Change.”

He threw a pile of clothes on the floor – all matching. Gwen and Hermione picked up the clothes before moving into the kitchen to change.

“I know we don’t look like us,” Gwen said to Hermione, “But I can’t take off my clothes in front of them.”

“I know,” Hermione agreed.

It was weird to see Harry and hear Hermione’s voice.

“Should we keep our bras and pants on?” Gwen wondered aloud.

Hermione stilled in her military-precision undressing. “I suppose for when we change back?”

“Harry’s wearing a bra,” Gwen snorted.

The two friends begin laugh quietly, yet hysterically, in what was an uncommonly light moment given their terrifying circumstances. For a moment, they were just two girls laughing at something funny. For a moment, they were just themselves.

“Your eyesight really is awful, Harry,” Hermione complained as they walked back into the room.

“Alright,” Moody barked. “Pair up. We don’t have time.”

Gwen moved to the real Harry – the only Harry completely stiff with rigidity. “It’s going to be okay,” she murmured.

He looked at her, at himself, and Gwen felt the guilt eating away at him. She felt it gnaw on her own chest and squeezed his arm before moving away.

She watched as Fred and George-Harry were holding each other’s arms. She moved towards them but didn’t want to disturb them so she stood the side.

“Be safe,” Fred said. His voice was still laughing.

“My only fear is that I might be stuck like this forever,” George responded back.

The brothers laughed and hugged, Fred reaching down low to wrap his arms around him. “Don’t be stupid, Fred,” George murmured.

“Might be too late,” Fred grinned back. His eyes cut to Gwen’s very quickly but she blinked and he was still looking at his brother.

George shook his head and walked away, smiling at Gwen as he passed. “Take care of him,” he told her.

He said the words in passing but she felt the weight of them.

They all, with the help of Moody’s barking, moved outside and began to climb aboard their mounts. Fred mounted his broom. “Easy up,” he murmured.

He held out his hand to Gwen. She felt the initial tug, the joking kid-sister pull to snap that she could do it by herself, but she met Fred’s eyes and felt the heat of his gaze deep in her stomach and so she took his hand.

She put her arms around his waist, feeling nervous to do so until she realized it wasn’t her at all that was holding Fred, at least not physically.

“I never thought I’d be sitting this close to Harry,” Fred commented in front of her, clearly having the same thought.

 She laughed, a hoarse breathless thing as fear began to creep into her. Everyone’s anxiety was crawling through her blood, leeching away whatever courage she might’ve had.

“We’ll be okay,” Fred told her. “I have you, you have me.”

“Yes,” Gwen promised as Mood stood before them. “I do.”

Moody raises his arm. “Head to safe house,” he barked. “Scatter as best you can!”

Fred leaned forward. Gwen tasted the sweet edge of his courage in the back of her throat.

She leaned closer towards him. “I trust you,” she whispered.

She didn’t know what brought her to say it, but other than that she felt it so deeply. Fred stiffened but before he could reply Moody gave the signal and before them, one by one, each pair flew into the unknowing night sky.

###

It was hell.

They lost sight of the others as they flew the sky. Gwen launching curses any which way she could. She’d held tightly to Fred with one arm and used her other arm to wield her wand.

“ _Stupefy!_ ” She shouted, knocking a Death Eater off his broom.

“Gwen, watch out!” Fred shouted. He veered their broom sharply to the left, but it didn’t matter. Gwen felt a curse skim her arm.

She screamed, nearly dropping her wand.

The world felt dark and dreary. She couldn’t keep her eyes open as she tried to grip onto reality. It felt like she was sinking, watching the water over her head as she moved deeper and deeper into the bottom.

There were Death Eater’s all around them.

She felt their hatred, poisonous and dark as their cloaks, creep through her blood. She felt their fear, curdling her blood in its soul-crushing intensity.

She felt herself slipping.

She heard Fred in the distance.

Her arm burned.

_No_. A voice commanded in her head. A pair of silver eyes flashed before her, furious and burning. _Get up, girl_.

_I’m tired_ , Gwen told her. _I’ve been tired_.

_You’re not done_ , the voice responded.

Gwen looked the eyes curiously, seeing a face beginning to form for the first time. It was a woman’s face. _Who are you_?

The eyes softened for a second. _Live_ , it came. _Live to find out_.

_They’re too heavy,_ Gwen tried to explain. She felt their hatred and fear weighing her down.

_Be heavier_ , the commanded her.

_How_?

The eyes contemplated her for a moment before a pair of hands came through and touched her temples. _Think if a happiness_ , she said. Her voice was closer than it ever had been. _Think of something happy._

Gwen saw Adora’s face handing her tea on Christmas morning, smiling at her, and holding her closer. She was seven-years-old. Adora had gotten her a beautifully ornate bookshelf. She’d given Gwen books to fill it. Gwen had never felt so cherished – it meant that Adora intended for her to stay. It filled her mind and heart. She felt the hands on her temple falter slightly, but then she remained firm. _Let it fill you_ , the voice said. _Let it fill your soul_.

Gwen breathed the memory through her body, feeling its strength chase the poison away. It slipped through her veins like gold, filling in the spots where darkness wanted to rot her.

_Now go fight_ , the voice commanded gently. _Fight for your life._

It was like waking into a nightmare. Fred was flying and casting spells at the same time. He was drenched in sweat and filled with worry. Gwen felt the lightness in her own blood, nothing else.

“ _Stupefy_!” She shouted, sending a Death Eater plummeting.

“Gwen!” Fred cried out. It sounded as if he’d been crying.

Gwen wrapped her arms tightly around him and spoke into his ear. “Keep going!”

Fred seemed fortified by her sudden strength, as if he could feel what was moving through her.

They plunged through the clouds, Gwen casting spells as quickly as she ever had. There was a strange glow following them.

George angled his broom down, shooting them towards the safe house. Gwen held on tightly, knowing that they were nearly there.

They broke through the protective charms as if they were glass. Fred barely managed to land them upright.

They were both completely still as they stood in the tall grass outside of the Burrow home. Fred dropped his broom causing it fall from between them.

Gwen’s breath hitched as he whipped around in a flurry and dragged her against him. He held her tightly breathing her in.

“I thought,” he shuddered. “I thought you were –”

The words kept shattering on his tongue. Gwen hugged him back. She felt his hands in her hair; she was herself once more. She saw the strange glow that had been following them through the sky.

Fred pulled back and his eyes balked.

“You’re glowing,” Fred exclaimed hoarsely.

“I’m…” Gwen began but her words stopped at the sight of her skin.

Beneath the clothes she wore, suddenly tight on her, her skin was glowing with a pearly luminescence.

The glow, as if it too was realizing itself, began to fade. Gwen looked at Fred for answers.

“You were passed out,” he whispered. “I thought you were…”

Again his words halted.

“No,” Gwen murmured. “Someone was talking to me.”

“Who?” Fred asked.

“I don’t know,” Gwen told him honestly. “She told me to think of something good.”

“What?”

Gwen ignored the fact the Fred didn’t know anything about her Sight and kept thinking out loud. “She told me to remember something happy. Something good. She told it to let it fill me.”

“What did you think of?” Fred asked, completely ignoring the strangeness of the incident.

Gwen sat still for a moment, trying to call the memory to her mind. She saw it fade from her head as the light faded from her skin.

It was gone.

“I can’t remember,” Gwen murmured. She felt something sad grip her. “Why can’t I remember?”

Fred said something but Gwen didn’t hear.

_This is the price,_ the woman whispered softly to her. Her voice sounded sad.

She forfeited the memory for protection, Gwen realized. Tears filled her eyes.

“No,” she whispered. “Give it back.”

_It is too late._

“I can’t remember,” Gwen cried. “I can’t remember the memory. I gave it up.”

Fred looked at her pained and confused. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Gwen.”

Gwen looked up at him with tears in her eyes. She saw the fading threads of Adora’s face – the memory lost to her forever.

“Don’t cry,” he whispered. He touched her cheek.

“Fred!” A voice called out to them.

They both turned and saw Ron running towards then. Gwen moved towards him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. “You’re okay,” she confirmed.

“Yeah,” he sighed, hugging her back tightly.

They moved apart so Ron could quickly hug Fred. She sensed something off with Ron.

“What is it?” She asked.

Ron looked at her worriedly. “It’s George,” he said. His eyes cut to Fred quickly. “He’s been injured.”

Fred looked as if he had forgotten where he was. He took off in a sprint towards the house with Gwen and Ron racing after him.

They followed him into the house and straight to the living room where Fred was laying on the couch half-conscious. Gwen gasped when she saw the right side of George’s head. His eye had been blown off.

“Snape,” George informed drowsily. “I always knew the bastard wanted to take a dive at me.”

“The bastard,” Fred said softly.

“Hey, Freddy?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m saint-like.”

“Huh?”

“I’m holy.”

“What are you talking about?”

George pointed to his eyes. “I’m hole-y. Get it?”

Fred stared at his brother for a second because a huge grin crawled over his face. “A whole world full of ear-related humor and you go with, ‘I’m holy?’”

George grinned back.

“Amateur,” Fred scoffed. He grabbed his brother’s hand held tightly.

Gwen felt warm watching them, but then Bill Weasley walked in with Fleur close behind him.

“What is it, Bill?” Arthur asked from the other side of the room.

“Mad-Eye,” Bill swallowed. “He’s dead. Voldemort killed him.”

The silence that came over the room was one of sadness and respect. Gwen felt the emotions but still her body was protected from outside sources.

“Go to bed,” Professor Lupin murmured to them. “Get some rest.”

Yet they all stood still, huddling near each other, feeling the loss in the room. Gwen blinked slowly, seeing the silver eyes flash before her. _Come find me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO IT'S BEEN A MOTHER FREAKING MINUTE. A lot of stuff has happened, I guess. Celebrated my birthday for like a week. I got a new job. I celebrated a few holidays. I got married. 
> 
> Whoops. 
> 
> But yes, marriage. It did happen and let me tell you, getting married and being married is high stress. High stress, high reward, but I still hope you'll forgive me for not posting. I have now worked through my funk and feel back in the groove of writing so my hope is to be more consistent with my updates. 
> 
> This is actually the second version of this chapter. The first one I wrote was because I was sad and just wanted everything to work out and let everyone be together. Maybe when this is all over and someone remembers, I'll share it with you all. 
> 
> I love, love, love all of you. Thank you for reading and keeping up with this story. Give me your comments - they are my lifeblood.


	6. Marry Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, bookmark!

Her arm burned from where the curse had skimmed her. Professor Lupin had healed it for her, leaving a nearly imperceptible scar. Not that it mattered to her much. At least she hadn’t lost her arm like George lost an ear. 

“They must’ve not used a truly damaging curse,” Professor Lupin had murmured. 

Gwen looked up at him, blinking herself from her thoughts. “What do you mean?” 

“If they had used a curse…” His voice trailed off. 

She felt something flip in her stomach and took a sharp breath through her nose. What would she have done if all she had given Adora before she left was a hollow promise that she’d never fill? 

“We don’t have to think about that,” Professor Lupin said softly. 

Gwen looked up, grounding herself in the gentle look in his eyes. He was giving her a smile that told her to trust in him and worrying about things that could’ve happened would only drive her into the darkness. 

She took a deep breath. Tonks was pregnant, they had announced, and Gwen couldn’t help the next words out of her mouth. 

“I think you’ll make an excellent father, Professor.” 

Her words weren’t loud or teasing. There was a solemnity to them that she hadn’t expecting but it only served to emphasize the truth of them. 

Professor Lupin tensed slightly and dropped his gaze from hers. Now that the light had faded from her, she could feel all the emotions around her once more. She felt his anxiety and his sense of fraud - like he had no right to happy and everyone was just mistaken. 

He stood up and turned as if to leave before he paused. “Thank you, Gwen,” he said. His voice was nearly hoarse. 

She wanted to tell him she understood that feeling and that she hoped that it would pass for him because then it might pass for her as well, but she knew what she should and shouldn’t say. 

“Remus,” Tonks’ soft voice came from the hall. 

His wife smiled at him and held out her hand, seeming to sense his feelings without any special gift. 

Lupin visibly relaxed and Gwen felt that pull of resistance in him, the self-sabotaging part of all of them that wanted to remain safe in its misery, waging war on him, but as if he knew how to beat it down, he moved towards his wife and held onto to her hand like it was a lifeline. 

The way the love flowed through him, the coolness that Gwen felt in her skin as a result, she had a feeling that Tonks was just that for him. A coolness.

“Goodnight, Gwen,” Tonks called out, peering around Professor Lupin. 

“Goodnight.” Gwen smiled. 

She watched them walk away, quietly content with their love, and at peace with where they are. Gwen felt a wave of desire in her chest. She wanted that so badly. 

She felt the call in the back of her mind, like someone tapping their finger on a window, trying to get her attention from the inside. 

There was no one in the kitchen with her so she felt no apprehension in closing her eyes and moving through her mind. She moved to the window in the back of her head where she felt the tapping - the visions came to her different each time. Sometimes it was like being sucked back by a force of wind, sometimes they tickled, sometimes it was like submerging herself in water, and other times, like this one, it waited for her to accept it. 

She opened the window and moved, as if through a breeze, to the vision. 

She was sitting around a fire with faces that looked familiar but she didn’t recognize. She knew she wasn’t older this time. She looked the same age that she did now.

“Can someone light the hookah?” A boy called out. 

“Don’t you dare,” the girl sitting next to Gwen snapped. 

The boy sighed. “I only have two vices, ______, smoking and you.” 

“I’m not your vice,” she scoffed.

Gwen saw the boy’s eyes soften from across the fire as he watched the girl. His smile turned a little sad and it was like he didn’t see anyone else. “Aren’t you though?” 

Gwen sensed the thrill that went through the girl next to her, but she kept looking at him steadily. 

“Ugh,” another girl cried out, “Get a room.”

The two of them broke off eye contact. 

“So Gwen,” someone else began. Her name sounded foreign on his tongue, the g sounding more like gh. “Are you dating anyone?”

Gwen sat unsure for a moment. “No.”

“That took a while,” they noted with raised eyebrows.

“I’m not dating anyone,” Gwen said. Her voice was a little stiff.” 

She felt the girl next to her lean into her slightly. Gwen sensed the comfort it was meant to convey. 

“That’s a shame,” the guy grinned. 

“Gross,” the girl next to Gwen, the one that she must have been close with, muttered. 

Gwen stifled a laugh. 

The vision swirled in front of her eyes as the image faded like sand moving in the wind. Gwen moved fluidly, trusting her mind, as she moved as if through a breeze again. She smelt the farewell smells of salt water and fig trees. 

She thought that she was coming back into the present when she saw something in the corner of her mind, a vision that was trying to hide itself from her. 

It’s for your own good. It seemed to say. 

Gwen reached towards it, bringing it closer to her, feeling the resistance. This vision was going to hurt, she realized a fraction to late. 

She ripped into it. 

She was a bit older than she was now. 

Her short hair was a little longer, skimming her shoulders. She had it pulled back as she wrote furiously at grand wooden desk. She had a concentrated furrow in her brows and ink on her hands. Her quill moved across the paper so fast that the sound of the tip on the parchment made it clear that it could rip at any point. 

Yet she didn’t slow down. It was if she was trying to fit as much as she could on the parchment before time ran out. 

She finally put a period, feeling euphoric. She wiped at her cheek, pushing a ribbon of hair back. 

She took a big breath and smiled at the paper. 

“I have to tell you, love,” a voice called out. “That was worrisome to watch.”

Gwen whipped around in her seat. Her heart filled up so heavily at the sight of Draco in the doorway, home from his work trip. 

“You’re back!” Gwen just about screamed. 

She launched from her chair and ran at him full force. She threw her arms around him so tightly that he had to use one of his hands to grasp onto the door frame to steady them both. 

She heard his laugh curl against her ear as she tightened her hold on him. Draco wrapped both of his arms around her waist and squeezed her upwards towards him, nearly taking her feet off the ground. “I’ve missed you, Guinevere.”

“You should just quit working and stay with me all day,” she suggested. Her chin rested on his shoulder and she couldn’t help herself as she bit him gently. 

He laughed at that as he began walking her back towards their bed. He gently laid them both down, using his arms to brace himself on top of her. 

She looked up into his bright blue eyes, like a perfect spring morning, feeling the love explode in her chest. “You’re early.”

“I was always meant to come back on this day,” he told her with a smile. 

Gwen furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?” 

“This was always my return day,” he repeated. 

“But you told me that it was two days from now!” 

“Yes,” Draco said easily. He was clearly enjoying the disbelief and annoyance on her face. 

“Why did you lie?” Gwen pushed against him. 

Draco settled himself heavier on her, stroking her hair. “I knew it would drive you crazy waiting the closer it got to my return date so I thought that maybe I could spare you those last two days.” 

“You’re mad,” Gwen muttered. 

“For you, yes,” Draco murmured. 

He stroked her cheek. Gwen stared at him, wanting to be annoyed, but finding that she was distracted by his face and body, and by the tender look in his eyes. 

“My love,” Draco began softly. “You have ink on your cheek.” 

“What?” Gwen asked. 

She moved her hand to her cheek and rubbed it. Sure enough, it came away streaked. “Let me wash it.” 

She tried to move but he refused to budge. There was something devilish in his eyes. “Why don’t we see how many places we can find that ink tomorrow?” 

Gwen felt a thrill in her body. “Draco,” she breathed out his name - half in warning, half in wanting. 

“Hmmm?” He practically purred against her neck. 

“I missed you,” Gwen huffed out. 

He kissed her neck once and then twice. “I know,” he said gently. 

Gwen suddenly felt a little sad. “A lot,” she continued. “I thought being apart wouldn’t hurt so much anymore.” 

Draco pulled back to look at her. “Is it because you’re worried that I won’t come back?”

Gwen touched his cheek but couldn’t meet his eyes. “Sometimes I worry this is all a dream. That I’m still just living off visions I have of you and that’s the only thing that’s keep us together. 

“We’re together, Gwen,” Draco said fiercely. His voice was still quiet. “We’ll always be together.”

Gwen nodded. “I hope so.” 

Draco looked at her, his eyes burning. He slid off of her to stand up. Gwen propped herself onto her elbows. “What’s wrong?” 

Draco was looking at her intensely with clenched fists. He looked like he was about to get into a fight. Gwen watched him curiously with raised eyebrows.

“Gwen,” he said seriously but his words halted suddenly.

“Yes?”

She moved so she was sitting up completely. She’d never seen such a look on his face before. “Draco,” she said softly, “Are you okay?”

“I love you, Gwen,” he said carefully.

“I love you too,” she said just as slowly. 

“I never want to be apart from you,” he said. “Ever.” 

When he stopped talking, Gwen gave him a curious smile. “I know that, Draco.” 

“Gwen,” he began. His was staccato but there was a wildfire in his eyes. 

“I wasn’t going to do it like this.” He sounded apologetic. 

“Do what?” 

He dropped down to one knee and reached inside his blazer. Gwen felt herself stop breathing. He pulled out a small ring and held in front of her. 

“I have struggled, fought, endured the worst parts of my life,” he told her. “I have faced all of this - sometimes with cowardice and occasionally with bravery.” 

She would’ve argued if she wasn’t so shocked. 

“All of my bravest moments were because of you,” he continued. “You showed me what it was to be brave and you don’t deserve anything less than bravery from the people in your life.” 

He paused again. There was no smile, no brevity in either his words or face. He felt what he was doing. He knew the gravity of what he was saying. 

“I love you, Guinevere Easton, and I’m asking you to be with me forever - as my wife.” 

Gwen sat, completely still, unable to speak. 

“Will you marry me, Gwen?” 

She couldn’t think of a single word. Every word that she’d ever known escaped her now as she sat in front of the young man she loved so entirely. She slid off the bed and came to her knees before him, nearly mirrored his pose. 

“Draco,” she whispered. 

She was crying. 

He said nothing, made no movement towards her, holding himself together with stillness. 

She touched his hand. “Yes.” 

Draco cracked slightly but didn’t move. He looked disbelievingly at her, like he trusted neither his ears nor her lips.

“Yes,” Gwen repeated. “Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.” 

Draco, in a movement she would never understand how it happened, yanked her to him with such an intense force, they nearly went crashing to the ground. 

“Yes?” He asked hoarsely. Gwen heard the rasp of emotion in his voice. 

She wrapped her arms tightly around him. “Yes, Draco. I’ll marry you.” 

They both let out a hoarse laugh that mingled with their tears and gratitude. “I love you, Gwen,” Draco repeated. “I love you so much.” 

She was ripped out of the dream so violently that as she lurched back onto her seat in the kitchen of The Burrow, she ran straight towards the sink and threw up. 

Her stomach squirmed and rebelled as she stood hunched over the sink until she was dry heaving. Heavy tears, threatening to become loud sobs, were streaming down her face. 

She turned on the water to rinse out her mouth before sinking to the floor in front of the sink. She pulled up her knees and rested her forehead on them. The tears that flowed from her were of pure agony. 

She had thought that she was moving on so well. That she had learned to compartmentalize her sorrow for Draco, but she knew now how deeply she’d been lying to herself. 

Gwen ached so passionately for Draco that she felt like it was trying to escape her body. She began to cry harder. 

She hated her morals and her pride. She hated his family and his fear. 

She hated the biggest part of her that longed for him smile and touch until she felt dizzy with need and longing and her whole body ached. 

It hurt to love him like she did and yet still be denied him. 

It was physically painful to want him, but by Merlin, did she want him. 

She wanted to fill every corner of his life until there was nothing but her. She wanted to banish every darkness with the sunshine that was his love. She wanted to be the thing he ate, drank, and slept. She wanted to be the thing that kept him alive and awake like all romantic books told you about. 

She wanted to demand him but him give himself freely. She wanted to throw herself at him, like a tsunami, nearly drowning them both. The amount of love she felt nearly drove her mad. There was no way it could be contained in a human body. 

The first sob ripped from her and she folded herself in tighter. 

She hated missing him. She hated longing for him. She hated falling apart for him. 

“Gwen?” Fred called out quietly. 

Go away, Gwen wanted to scream at him. She wanted to hide, apparate somewhere else. Somewhere to him. 

She tried to reign in the pain that was radiating through her but it was too much. She had kept such a tight leash on it that now that it was out there was no way to bring it all back in. She was drowning herself and she needed to swim back to shore.

“Please go,” she whispered. 

She didn’t think he heard because she felt him move towards her. She felt his worry and sympathy for her but it did nothing to soothe like flames in her, the complete and utter sadness that ate at her everyday as she tried not to notice. 

She thought that if she acted strong and did strong things, she would be strong. All it took was one vision and she was here. 

“Gwen,” Fred whispered again. 

Gwen took a heaving, shuddering breath and brought her head up. “Yes?”

Her voice was husky deep with pain. Fred blinked and stared at her. Gwen hardly knew what he was seeing on her face because she just didn’t care. 

There was a horrible moment where she looked at Fred, sweet and available Fred, and she hated him. For a horrible moment, she hated that it was him standing here and not Draco. 

That was the moment she was finally able to catch herself. 

Fred would never deserve her hatred. 

She took a deep breath. 

“I’m okay,” she rasped. 

“I don’t think you are,” he said. 

She stood up, her legs shaking like a newborn. Fred, as if he knew it would only make things worse, did not try to help her. 

Gwen braced herself against the sink. 

“I need to go home,” she said. 

“I don’t think you’re in a position to apparate right now,” Fred said carefully. 

Gwen looked at him, seeing the surprise and worry on his face. “Fred,” she murmured. 

“Yes, Gwen?” 

“Don’t…” she paused, not wanting the words to come out. “There’s not enough left in me to give someone else,” she finally said. “I don’t want to give it to anyone else.”

Fred’s face didn’t change as he nodded slightly. 

“Even if you can never be with that other person?”

“Even then.” 

“You might change your mind after some time,” he reasoned. 

Gwen felt a crooked smile on her face. “No,” she told him softly. “I don’t think it will.” 

###

She was sitting on her bed days later when Adora called out to her. 

“Gwen, someone is here for you!”

That peaked her curiosity enough. She fought the urge to moan and tell them to leave before even knowing who they were. 

Gwen dragged herself out of her room and walked down the hall where she familiar booming voice of the most annoying person she knew. 

J.B. was sitting at the kitchen table drinking lemonade and talking with Adora. His easy smile radiated and lit up the room. Gwen felt a pang in her chest when she saw Adora laughing. She looked so much more like herself when she laughed

She stared at him with an annoyed expression until he turned to look at her. 

“Wow, what happened to your face?” 

Gwen glared harder at him causing him to grin. He stood up and looked at Gwen carefully, reading the signs of weariness and patched up togetherness on her face. 

“Go change,” he told her. “We’re going running.”

It was only then that Gwen noticed that he was in shorts and a t-shirt. Gwen didn’t want to look at her ragged pajamas that she refused to get out of. 

“Hurry up before we lose the sun,” he continued in that even but unyielding voice that was just him. 

It’s just after noon, Gwen felt like snapping, but instead she turned around and trudged back into her room. 

She slipped on her workout clothes - a baggy shirt and baggy pants and grabbed her old sneakers from her wardrobe. 

She tied her short hair into a small ponytail as she made her way back into the kitchen where Adora and J.B. were still laughing. 

“Has she always been this moody?” J.B. asked. 

Gwen sat on the floor, a perpetual glare fixed on her face. She begin to lace up her sneakers aggressively, hurting her feet from how tight she was lacing them. 

Adora laughed. “Only occasionally.” 

J.B. stood up and took Adora’s hand. He leaned over, bowing over her hand like an old Southern gentleman. “I’ll bring her back.” 

“Please do.” Adora smiled. 

“Quit flirting with my mom, pervert,” Gwen said mulishly. 

J.B. grinned over Adora’s hand and looked at Gwen with a teasing eye. “I can’t make any promises.” 

Adora laughed and squeezed his hand. “You two bicker like siblings.” 

Gwen stood up. “Alright,” she said, “Let’s get this over with.” 

J.B. was unbothered by her prickly attitude and led the way outside. Courage followed them from the kitchen. Gwen didn’t bother putting her on a lead - she only followed Gwen around anyways. 

They moved out into the field behind The Tower before finding a small natural path. J.B. let them walk in silence, warming up, before he began to run in a light jog. 

Gwen hadn’t run in a while so she felt her chest begin to tighten. 

“Remember,” J.B. murmured. “Shoulders back, stomach in. Big breath.” 

Gwen focused on her form until the rest of her limbs felt loose. She picked up the tempo of running, speeding up and slowing down as J.B. did. She ran until J.B. finally started walking. 

She felt the need to keep going and she tried to push herself harder, but it was as if he knew her thoughts. 

“Don’t burn out,” he warned her gently. 

She lurched slightly to a stop and began walking along side of him. They were both sweating but whereas J.B. was glistening, Gwen was drenched. 

She took in deep, satisfied breaths. She’d forgotten what it felt like to run. She felt nothing in her head but the feeling of blood pumping through. She couldn’t even sense J.B.’s feelings. 

“Alright, kiddo,” J.B. said softly. “Tell me what’s going on.” 

Gwen scowled at the nickname but didn’t say anything. She remained silent for a few moments before answering. “There’s nothing I can about it so it doesn’t matter.” 

“I doubt that,” he said. “And maybe I can do something.” 

Gwen made an arrogant sound. “You can’t.”

J.B.’s response was thoughtfully quiet. “I might.” 

“You can’t change his family, J.B.” 

“His family doesn’t like you?” 

“Me, Muggles, Half-bloods, Harry, good, light, justice. You name it, they’re against it.” 

J.B. paused in his movements. Gwen turned and met his stare defiantly. She knew she probably said more than she should have but what where the chances that J.B. would put it together? 

“I know it was him,” he murmured. 

Better than she thought apparently. 

Her cheeks began to burn but she didn’t look away. She would neither feel shame or apologize for her feelings and past. 

“You were in love with Malfoy,” J.B. continued. 

Gwen remained silent, hardening herself for her judgement. She nearly jumped out of her skin when J.B. reached for her, not caring that she was covered in sweat. He pulled her towards him gently, almost paternally, and patted her back. 

“I’m so sorry, Gwen,” he said over her head. 

For what? She felt the words resting on her tongue. 

“It’s not easy to love someone who isn’t good for you.” 

Gwen pulled back and looked up at J.B. “That’s the thing, J.B.,” she said. “He was good for me.” 

J.B. nodded. There was neither judgement in his heart nor his face. “I understand.” 

“He made me brave,” Gwen whispered. “He gave me the space to understand what it meant to be myself by myself. He would drown if it meant I could swim.”

J.B. nodded. “It makes sense.” 

This piqued her curiosity. “How?”

J.B. took a deep breath, tilting his head in thought. He moved so that he was sitting on the base of a small hill nearby. Gwen followed and sat next to him. She listened as she began. 

“I had an interaction with him once,” J.B. told her. “I think it could’ve been an altercation. You know that Earth is Muggle-born.” 

“Yes,” Gwen nodded. 

“His nasty friends were making comments about her.” J.B.’s hands fisted and his face darkened at the memory. 

Gwen touched her shoulder to his, reminding him that he wasn’t there now. J.B. blinked and gave him a weak smile. 

“He wasn’t saying anything but he was there while they were jeering at her. It’s almost like he just tunes out what they’re saying.”

She nodded her agreement. “Yes.” 

“So I heard them when I got there and you can imagine…” J.B. led off with a self-derisive smile. 

Gwen couldn’t help herself for the smile that appeared on her face, but she sat patiently waiting for the rest of the story. 

“So you can imagine my reaction when I heard them.” 

“I can, and I feel bad for them,” Gwen teased. 

J.B. grinned and flexed his arms. “They deserved whatever happened.” 

“Probably.”

“But Eartha didn’t want me to fight them,” J.B. explained. 

“She didn’t want you to kill them,” Gwen modified jokingly. 

They both paused and began to laugh. 

“Anyways,” J.B. said, still chuckling. “While she was standing in front of me trying to talk me down, she said, ‘Gwen’s waiting for us. Let’s go.’”

Gwen held her breath. 

J.B. looked at her and gave her a knowing smile. “It was like someone turned on the volume in his world. He whipped his head and looked straight at us. I saw him literally assessing the situation in a few moments like he’d just arrived.” 

“What do you mean?” Gwen asked.

J.B. squinted his eyes in thought. “It was like he suddenly paying attention like it all suddenly mattered. He realized that his friends had been making comments to Eartha, he saw me getting angry and ready to beat his friends, and he realized that we were going to see you. That’s when it all mattered to him.” 

“What did he do?” 

“He stood up,” J.B. shrugged, “And they all sat down.”

Gwen looked at him imploring, begging him to give her more details. 

“He told them to shut up and stop creating problems that he would have to clean up otherwise he’d let me beat them.” 

Gwen didn’t know whether or not she should laugh. “And then?” 

“And then nothing,” J.B. said. “He looked at Eartha and I and gave a kind of cold nod before sitting back down and turning down the volume again.” 

Gwen sat silently listening to this. “I don’t know if that makes me feel good or bad.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I don’t want to be the reason he’s a good person,” she said, “Or a passable person. I wish he was that way on his own.” 

“He might become that way in time,” J.B. said. “Maybe no one has expected him to be that person before.” 

“I guess,” Gwen shrugged. 

“Maybe all he could do was turn down the volume because he knew that he didn’t like the noise around him.” 

“Why didn’t he just leave the noise?” 

J.B. paused and pet Courage, who was asleep at their feet. 

“People will put up with a lot if the alternative is being alone,” he murmured. 

Gwen sat completely silent. It never occurred to her that Draco and she might have the same fear. That the fear of loneliness dictated to them in such broad, defining ways. 

“How did it end?” J.B. asked. “If you don’t mind me asking.” 

“I don’t mind,” Gwen said. “I trust you.” 

J.B. smiled and Gwen could feel his happiness at her words as he bumped her shoulder. She basked in his pleasure for a moment before sobering. 

“I couldn’t take the guilt anymore,” she explained. “The lying, the hiding, the loving him even when I hated what he was allowing himself to do.” 

She didn’t want to confess Draco’s sins to anyone, let alone someone as good as J.B.. So she sat quietly and held her tongue. 

J.B. sat just as quiet, letting her process. 

“I have visions about him,” Gwen whispered. “All the time. I think it’s why I can’t let him go.” 

“How sure are your visions?” 

“They’re not,” Gwen said. “Based on where I’m heading, I saw a version of the future I could have.” 

“But you don’t know how to get it?” J.B. asked. 

“No,” Gwen said dejectedly. 

“Seems unfair.” 

That made them both laugh again. 

“I feel like I’m moving backwards,” Gwen explained. “I thought I would just get better.” 

“Healing is a linear process,” J.B said, “There are all sorts of bumps and curves.”

Gwen hesitated. “I love him still. I want to love him. I just don’t want to be like him.” 

“Gwen,” J.B. said. “You’ll never be anything that you don’t want to be.” 

“How do you know that?” Gwen asked quietly. 

J.B. smiled broadly at her and Gwen saw all the goodness in him. “Because you’ve already worked too hard to become who you already are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote part of this when I was work and a pivotal part of this when I was sad and missing someone important. I hope you’re all with whoever is important to you ❤️
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry if the formatting is different from previous chapters. I finished this at work and am posting it on my phone. I’ll fix it when I get to my laptop. 
> 
> But I’m curious as to your thoughts and experiences with this kind of healing. What has love felt like for you?

**Author's Note:**

> Stay tuned, kiddos. xxx


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